Hope Remains: A Hope Springs Fanfiction

Chapter 24

Emma ran all the way home from Finbarr's house, her tears nearly blinding her to the path. Her heart broke for the loss of whatever had blossomed between them over the last few weeks, for the easy friendship they'd found again. Finbarr thought she was toying with his emotions, but the fact was that she honestly didn't know where her heart lay. Peter and Finbarr were both good men, making a choice between them certainly wasn't an easy thing. She felt so foolish. Shouldn't she know her heart better than this? What sort of woman did that make her if she couldn't choose between two men?

Instead of going to the house, she veered off the path and stumbled down to the trees near the river. Katie's trees. She slumped against the cool, white bark of a tree just beyond the sparkling flow of the river. Sinking down to the ground, she hugged her knees in and let her sobs break free. How could Finbarr think she would be so cruel? She had loved him from the very first, she had been the only one he would let in after the fire. Until he began pushing her away. She had tried everything she knew until he had outright rejected her advances. Even if she hadn't met Peter, she wasn't certain her heart could have taken much more bruising after that.

Throwing her love around like candy.

His words cut deep. Why had he tried to win her heart only to push her away in the end? He had abandoned her when she desperately wished he would stay.

Just like Mother.

The thought came unbidden and unwelcome into her mind. She hated that even after all these years, she still felt like a scared little girl inside, afraid of being left behind. Katie had done much to heal those wounds over the years, but the pain ran deep as bones. She dreaded being left, feared it. Why after all this time couldn't she move on?

"Emma?"

She recognized Katie's voice on the instant but didn't lift her head as she sat down next to her. Katie put an arm around her shoulders, stroking her hair tenderly.

"Oh heavens," she murmured softly. "I know the sound of a broken heart when I hear one."

"I don't know what to do," Emma managed between sobs. "I'm falling in love with two men. My heart doesn't know what it wants, Katie."

Katie didn't say anything for several beats, as she gently rubbed her back. Finally she said, "What happened?"

Emma told Katie everything, about the fight, about the scene in Finbarr's kitchen, about his stinging rejection. Katie didn't offer comment at first, she just let Emma talk.

"I'm so lost, Katie," her breath came out in one long, shuddering sigh. "I'm scared that I'll make the wrong choice."

Katie made a ponderous noise in her throat. "Aye, matters of the heart are tangled and difficult sometimes. I'm certain Finbarr still loves you, but I also think he can't take the pain of fear he feels. He's lost so much, my angel. I don't think he can bear the thought of losing you, so instead he pulls away first."

Emma nodded. She could see that this prolonged courting was pushing Finbarr away. Peter had simply come into her life at a difficult moment. She couldn't deny how much she liked him, maybe even loved him. The fact that there had never been any pain in their relationship appealed to her. She felt she could allow her love to blossom fully and not be afraid that he'd cut it down, as Finbarr had done before.

"What about Peter?" she finally asked. "I don't want to hurt him either."

"Love is not without pain," Katie mused. "One of them will be hurt, and I suspect it will hurt you a little as well no matter which one you choose."

She nodded as Katie continued.

"Peter is a great deal like Finbarr, if the two of them would only get over their bullheadedness long enough to see it. It's not a question of which one is a better man, it's a question of which man is better for you."

That was no help whatsoever. Emma stared at the tips of her boots. Her head was beginning to ache from crying and she felt like a wrung sponge. Neither man was better for her, only the lives they would give her were different. If she chose Peter, she would be effectively choosing to go to Baltimore and whatever the city offered her. If she chose Finbarr, she would be choosing the life she had always known in Hope Springs.

"I want to be a teacher," she blurted. "I've wanted that for so long, I can't remember not wanting it."

Katie burst out laughing. "Well, it's about time you said it. I was beginning to wonder if your Papa and I would have to force it out of you."

"You knew?" She looked up and met Katie's twinkling brown gaze. Katie's smile only widened.

"'Twas fairly obvious, you know, the way you light up when you help the little ones with their school work and when you taught me to read. You've a gift, Emma. And it's a wonderful gift made for sharing. Jeremiah Johnson only confirmed it when he mentioned asking you about teaching here in Hope Springs."

Emma chuckled ruefully. "I wasn't trying to hide it, I only didn't want to disappoint anyone."

"Especially yourself, I'd wager," Katie nodded sagely. "We've full confidence in you, sweet girl. The entire town does."

The entire town believed she would make a good teacher. Her spirits lifted slightly.

"Forget everything else, Emma," Katie said, taking Emma's hand between her own. "Forget all the troublesome men, forget the worries and ask yourself what do you want?"

What did she want?

She pondered that thought well into the night. She could fulfill her dreams here in Hope Springs or in Baltimore, there was no question about that. She sighed, rubbing at the ache in her temples. She loved Hope Springs, everything she knew was here. The plan to go to Baltimore had originally evolved out of her desperate need to get away from the broken heart Finbarr had caused her. Was that truly what she wanted, or was that just an escape?

Emma listened to her sisters' slow, deep breathing filling the silence of the night. She would miss Ivy and Eimear horribly if she left. And Papa, Katie, Sean, the O'Connors, she'd miss every last one of them. Could she really give up her life here?

The panic the thought of leaving set off in her heart solidified her resolve. She wanted to stay. She wanted her family, her home, her life here. She belonged in this life. But did that mean she was choosing Finbarr?

She shook her head, although there was no one around to see. She was making this choice because it was right for her. She knew now that she couldn't use Baltimore to escape her problems, she had to face them.

Come what may, she would choose what her heart wanted.