Hope Remains: A Hope Springs Fanfiction

Chapter 2

Finbarr O'Connor was the most frustrating person Emma had ever met.

They had once been so close, but since that horrible night of the fire, he had closed off from her. They had been on more friendly terms in the last few years, but he still held back and it broke her heart. Even though it had been nearly a decade, they couldn't quite seem to bridge the chasm that had grown between them.

Finbarr had not spoken of that terrible night since it happened, but then again, neither had she. Ivy barely remembered the fire, but Emma couldn't forget it. She often woke in a cold sweat in the middle of the night after reliving the terrifying moments when the roof had collapsed. Sometimes she remembered seeing Marianne's lifeless eyes, staring into nothingness as the men carried her body away from the wreckage. Emma woke up crying every time the memory dragged itself up from the recesses of her mind.

Finbarr had changed that night, and she had never seen the old laughing, funny Finbarr again. But she still held out hope for something that seemed further and further out of reach with each passing year. She held out hope that he would come back to her.

Finding a quiet corner of the party, she sat down on a rock, cheeks burning. She had only meant to kiss Finbarr on the cheek to thank him for the dance, but when their lips had met, delicious warmth had flowed from her head clear down to her toes. She had thrilled at his touch, no matter how brief. If he hadn't seemed so horrified at what he had done, the moment would have been near perfect.

But he had been horrified. He didn't want her.

She unpinned the brooch Finbarr had given her nearly seven years ago and fingered the delicate design. She wondered if he knew she wore it nearly every day. That small gesture of giving her the pin had felt so like the old Finbarr, for a moment she had thought there was hope.

But, if tonight was any indication, she was better off giving up on that impossible hope.

"What are you doing over here by yourself, Miss Emma?"

Biddy O'Connor came toward her, holding a plate with a slice of her apple cake, Emma's favorite. She handed it to Emma, who accepted it with a wan smile of gratitude, before taking a seat next to her.

"I just needed some space," she murmured, swirling a bite of cake through the custard sauce before popping it in her mouth. "To think."

Biddy nodded her understanding. "Aye, a muddled up heart will do that to you."

Muddled up, that was a perfect description of how she felt. Her heart wanted one thing, but her head told her that thing was impossible. She had been harboring feelings for Finbarr since she was small and they just wouldn't go away.

"You blushed in his arms when you were dancing just now."

Biddy's comment was off hand, as though she was merely making an observation about the weather. Emma's blush deepened still further. Had everyone seen her kiss Finbarr? More than that, had everyone realized how willing a participant she'd been in that kiss?

"Don't worry," Biddy seemed to sense her worry and tipped her a wink that was so very like Tavish, Emma couldn't help but smile. "Not many people saw, just Tavish and me really."

"I don't know what to do, Biddy," Emma groaned, putting her fork down on her plate. "I've considered going back east to visit Papa's parents for a while, but I don't know that I could stand being away from my family."

"Aye, I know," Biddy agreed. "'Tis a hard thing to leave loved ones."

She nodded, taking another bite of cake. Biddy was a good listener. She had become almost like an aunt to Emma since Katie had become part of the family. Emma didn't know what she would do without either one of them.

"What do you think, Biddy?"

Biddy sighed. "I don't know, love. Give it time, these things have a way of sortin' themselves out."

Things hadn't sorted themselves out in ten years, and she was beginning to doubt they ever would. She finished the last of her cake, watching as everyone began to gather around the bonfire to hear the tales. She could just pick out Finbarr's head of dark ginger hair in the back of the crowd, sitting next to Tavish and Cecily. The scars that slashed across his face made him look fierce and almost menacing in the flickering firelight, not at all his true nature. He was such a kind and gentle man, she couldn't believe anyone would ever make fun of him for being different as some of the girls had when they were children. Emma despised that. She felt grateful no one made fun of Finbarr now, but she could tell he was still wary of being hurt.

"Are you wanting to join in the storytelling, Miss Emma?" Biddy asked.

Emma shook her head, handing the plate back to Biddy.

"I think I'll go home for the night. Will you tell Papa and Katie where I've gone?"

"Of course," Biddy agreed readily, giving her a one-armed squeeze as they stood. "Chin up, lass. It'll turn out all right in the end. You'll see."

Smiling softly, she thanked Biddy for the cake and started back toward home. She did that more and more often of late, she realized. Being surrounded by happiness that was not her own often gave her an odd feeling of being left behind.

She gazed up at the stars overhead. No matter how long she'd been in Wyoming, the sight of a clear night's sky always filled her with a sense of awe. The cloudy ribbon of the Milky Way ran just above the road, guiding her on. She remembered one night spent with Finbarr on the banks of the river, talking and laughing as they had found the constellations and Finbarr had added in his own tales of how they had gotten their names. He made them so silly her sides had ached with laughter. She wished he could still see it, even just for a moment, to remember that night.

"You need your own life, Emma Archer," she scolded herself as she cut across the O'Connor's fields toward home. "You can't spend the rest of your life pining away."

Even though it hurt, she knew she had to move on somehow. Her world had tumbled into pieces ten years ago, but she had been trying to construct a new one with Finbarr in it. But she couldn't build her life around him when he clearly didn't want to be a part of it. She sighed. A world without Finbarr in it, would it not be a very lonely place? Probably not any more so than it was already. She must just learn to live without him. It was time to move on.