Hope Remains: A Hope Springs Fanfiction

Chapter 23

Ma and Da's house was the largest in the family, most easily accommodating the entire family, even though the fit was a bit snug. Laughing children spread like wildfire around the home. At least a half dozen conversations buzzed about, one about Tavish finishing his harvest, another about a raccoon making off with one of Ryan's chickens, and Ciara spoke animatedly about adopting an orphan from the next town over. Finbarr heard it all. Whether or not he wanted to.

He sat cross-legged on the floor near the stove, the warmth soothing and gentle on his soul. He imagined that the stove was actually a fire, and that it crackled and danced in the waning sunlight. To anyone looking his way, it might have appeared strange for him to be staring absently at the stove, but to him, it was all just darkness anyway. It didn't matter either way.

He pulled his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees. Everything ached. Especially his heart. His chest felt so constricted that each breath he attempted pained him.

"Now that's a long face if I ever saw one," Tavish said, taking a seat beside him on the ground. "This stove is mighty interesting, isn't it?"

"I'm not in the mood for your jokes." He turned his face to the other side, feeling the warmth from the stove on his cheek.

"Tisn't a joke," Tavish chuckled. "Cecily likes to sit next to the stove as well. I reckon there must be something fascinating about it that only blind people are privy to."

This time, his mouth twitched in amusement, though his heartache crashed over him once more, not able to stay away completely.

"Do you want to tell me why you're upset?"

He didn't want to talk about it at all, but there was no one in the world he was closer to than Tavish. It didn't matter that his brother was twelve years older than him. They were closer than a tight-knit sweater.

"I kissed Emma," he said quietly.

"You what? You haven't kissed anybody since Alice Brown."

The reminder didn't stick well with him, especially because he courted Alice over ten years ago before the fire happened. That was a very long time to go without kissing anybody. He was obviously out of practice, and he must have done something wrong to get a reaction like the one Emma had given him.

"I am so frustrated with her," Finbarr said, turning his face back toward his brother to make sure he heard his words. He spoke quietly so no one else could overhear their conversation. "The time we spend together is wonderful. But she leads me on, and then she pushes me back when I try to make an advance that I thought for sure would be welcome. It hurts, Tavish. It hurts so much."

"I know," Tavish said as he wrapped an arm around his shoulders and gave him a reassuring squeeze. "It was the same with me and Katie. I unknowingly drove her straight into the arms of another man."

"That sounds awfully familiar," he muttered. "But I'm not blindsided like you were. I feel like no matter what I do, it's always wrong. I'm terrified she will choose Peter Kent, and that just makes me...so...angry. I am fighting my hardest for her. I am doing everything I possibly can. But it isn't enough. I don't understand why it's not enough."

Tavish didn't say anything for a few long moments, but finally he spoke. "The kiss didn't go well then?"

"Oh, no. It did. At first. But I have a feeling Peter somehow ruined it. I can't help but wonder if she's in love with him. And I...And I..." His shoulders slumped exhaustedly. "And I just don't want to keep fighting anymore. I love Emma with all my heart... But sometimes I don't think she realizes she's causing me pain. She's stringing me along. Courting me and Peter at the same time... Why is she waiting so long to make a decision?"