dogfight-e.d

eighteen

he feels a sense of relief when he finally finds her in the wood and on a hill, sitting on the ground with her back to him while she looks up at the night sky above them, the stars peppered across and illuminating the dark sky. his eyes take in the sight of her, paying attention to how her eccentric curls move in the wind and how relaxed her shoulders are. ethan takes a silent breath to prepare himself for approaching her, he feels this strange feeling in his chest, an urge almost, to wrap his arm around rey's shoulders and give her a hug.

that tenderness.

he swallows a lump in his throat and slowly steps towards rey, standing next to her for a few seconds to see if she reacts to him being there but she doesn't. instead, she remains facing upwards, her eyes focused completely on the constellations painted above them, as if she's hypnotised by them. ethan bites his lip before sitting down next to rey, their shoulders inches apart but there's still a sense of distance lingering in the air. a silence stretches out between the two. as if there are no words to offer.

until rey finally speaks. "what do you see in people like them?".

ethan blinks in surprise, he wasn't expecting rey to speak first, let alone ask such a demanding and reflective question about his choice in peers. "I....they've just always been the people im friends with...I cant explain it" he shrugs and rey just scoffs and shakes her head, her eyes still looking up above her. ethan sucks in his lips and closes his eyes, bracing himself to say something he's never said genuinely before. "I'm so sorry rey, I had no idea they were gonna say those things to you...".

"what else would they ever say to me?" rey interrupts him and her voice comes with a heavy presence of anger. it catches ethan off guard since the last time he saw rey getting this angry was the dogfight. another situation where ethan's friends made her feel like shit, well, he contributed to it. that disappointment floods over him again and leaves a bitter taste on his tongue. rey finally breaks away from looking up at the sky to look at ethan and his chest twists when he notices how tear stained her eyes are and the hurt that fills them like a storm. her face contorts into an expression of disgust and she shakes her head again, as if she's trying to shake away some harsh thoughts.

"I don't..." ethan is finding himself lost for words but rey speaks instead. "what else would those people possibly have to say to me apart from such vile things to bring me down more than they already have?" her voice cracks towards the end and it only carves into ethan's chest more. seeing rey so hurt and so vulnerable is difficult for him, he would never expect to be feeling like this towards rey's show of pain but everything is changing now. the lines are becoming blurred.

rey takes a deep breath to calm herself before carrying on.

"for as long as I can remember, ive been treated like i'm not worth anything by people like your friends...people like you ethan. everyday at school you and your friends either act like I don't exist and when you do, you just taunt me with cruel insults about how I look, like I can control it or I chose to look like this. just because im not pretty or attractive enough in your eyes, you have to dedicate your time to making me feel even more awful about myself than I already do, you make me feel so...worthless and pathetic. there are days where I don't even want to get out of bed to go to school because I can't stand the pain anymore, all the looks and words and pushing around. im sick of it and whats worse is that I don't know what to do anymore....I don't know if I can handle it anymore. I just can't understand why you...they have to treat me like this. what did I ever do to them?".

rey is close to bursting into tears again but stops herself, wiping her eyes and nose with her jacket sleeve and looking away from ethan. he looks at her with wide eyes and an open mouth, he feels unsettled and devastated by what rey has just said. its true. he and his friends have treated her terribly all throughout high school and its getting to her. he never once thought about how it all would make her feel because he didn't care. now he does, he doesn't know why but he cares so much about how rey feels.