Pen to Paper [N.H.]

8.3 - Isolation - Ex

Chloe's POV

I've been here for two weeks already, and I still don't feel any improvement. I've worked out a certain routine, Jog first thing in the morning, then write till lunchtime, then either I cook something quickly or go out eat in a restaurant. After all that, I'm spending my afternoon in the café I used to hang out in a lot. and then around 7 PM till sunset, I'd be in my favourite spot in Saint-Michel by the Seine. And then I just go home. Every day was the same. It's tough to try to forget about the guy I'm in love with when I'm writing about him. Although I try my best to separate Niall the artist from Niall the person, it's not always easy. I take my tablet everywhere so I don't waste time. The deadline is in 6 weeks.

Working out the structure of the story was the hardest thing I had to do. But once I got the idea, it was hard for me to stop. And it's easy for me to get lost in it and ignore my surroundings. Which why I got startled when some guy called my name. I smile at the sound of my name being pronounced correctly. I mean Niall tries but it doesn't really work, and my friends don't even try, they just stick to the classical English Chloe.

I look up at the man who's now standing right next to my table. I look closely, not sure if I'm seeing right. He has changed a bit from the last time I've seen him. To be fair that was 5 years ago. He's still as tall, hair is way shorter and back to it's original dark brown rather than his black dye. And a small beard. He's still just as beautiful.

'C'est Julien!' - 'It's Julian!'  He says probably thinking I didn't recognise him but I'm just confused as to why he's here and why is he talking to me.

*A/N They're talking in French but I'm only gonna be writing the English translation*

'Yeah, I can see that! Please, have a seat.'

'How've you been?' He asks with a shy smile on his face.

'Not the best time to ask me that question!' I chuckle nervously. I've never been able to lie to him. 'What about you?'

'I'm good. Graduated, started working. I'm all settled and yeah I guess life has been kind to me.'

'That's great! I'm glad to hear that!'

'Still writing I see.'

I look back at my tablet sitting flat on the table with its screen on. I shut it off and look back at him.

'Yeah, I actually recently got a writing job. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to talk about it. But I guess I can tell you one thing. I'm writing someone's biography. Well, it's more of a memoir.'

'That's amazing! You've always wanted to become a published writer! Congrats! But I don't get it. Why aren't you okay. You're living your dream no?'

'Of course, I'm happy about that! It's just... it's something else. Nevermind.'

'Chloé, you can tell me anything! You know that.'

'Yeah... not this. not now. not with you.'

'Why not?'

'Because it's weird!'

'You know we used to be best friends.'

'Yeah, that was then. Before everything else.'

'You mean before we decided to date and then when we graduated high school and you chose to move to London, you broke up with me because you didn't want to bother with long-distance and you wanted to cut off all your ties with anything remotely related to your life in Paris? Yeah, surprisingly, that doesn't change much. You're here now aren't you? You know it hurt me a lot when you left without saying goodbye. I was more upset about losing my best friend than it was when you decided to break up. But we're grown up now. I understood that we're not compatible as a couple. I'm at peace with that. But I never really accepted that we're not even friends anymore. I moved on, I made new friends and dated a lot! But there was still missing something in my life. Every time something big happened, you're always the first person I think of. When I proposed to my girlfriend three years ago you were the first person I wanted to tell.'

'You're married?' I ask in shock.

'No, the engagement fell through after I discovered that she was cheating on me.'

'Wow!'

'Yeah exactly! You missed out on a lot! Just because you were too selfish and kicked me out of your life. I needed you and you weren't there! I was depressed for a whole year after Carla and I broke up. A committed loving 2-year relationship for nothing. Well loving on my part.'

'I'm so sorry. I guess yeah, I didn't really think about anyone else. I didn't think of the important people that I'm leaving behind. I just knew that I needed to get out of here. And I did it without thinking of anyone. At that moment, it was about me, my life, my future, and my mental health. I guess it wasn't fair for you. I just assumed that well it's high school friends. Those are not forever! Everyone knows that! But I guess I underestimated the importance of our friendship. I'm really sorry.'

'Thank you. Well, now since that's out of the way, and you don't see me as an ex-boyfriend, you see me as a best friend, I'm gonna ask you this and I need you to answer me honestly.'

'Okay...'

'What the hell are you doing here back in Paris, alone in our favourite café growing up?'

'Honestly? I'm running away from someone.'

'You didn't kill someone did you?'

'No! Now is not the time for your jokes!' I bite back a laugh and trying to look annoyed.

'Right, sorry! What's going on?'

'Well, The guy I'm writing the story about, well we kinda had a thing. But it's not that easy. He's been through a bad break up a year ago and well now, he's just afraid to fall in love again. So every time we take a step forward he panics and pushes me away. And every time he's done that it hurts even more than the time before.'

'How many times has it happened until now?'

'That's the third time. And that's why I'm here. Because I know if I stay in London I'll go back to him. It's already hard enough not to text him or unblock him and wait till he texts me. We once indirectly tweeted to each other without really mentioning anyone. I just miss him so much and I hate feeling like this. I should hate him, be angry at him. But I don't. I love him and I'm just sad that I can't talk to him and hang out with him anymore.'

'Yeah, I don't think it's healthy if you stayed around him. I mean running away all the way here is not healthy either? I mean I heard that you're parents moved to the south? And I doubt you stayed in touch with anyone else here. So I'm assuming you're all alone?'

I nod silently confirming his thoughts.

'Any idea how long you'll be staying?'

'As long as it takes... or till the end of next month. Whichever comes first.'

'Well, I'm here now. I'll help you any way I can.'

'You don't have to do that. I'm sure you have a life to live!'

'Well I work 9 to 6 on weekdays, so I'm free every evening. Also, on Thursdays and Fridays, I go with my friends from college to the pub. And I'm taking you with me, you can't say no. And I don't always have things to do on the weekends. So we can hang out all weekend long. Okay?'

'Why are you doing this? Why are you nice to me? I was a total bitch to you.'

'Well, are you gonna do it again? Cut off contact with me and you're back to your life in London?'

'No...'

'There you go! It's like nothing happened. We pick up where we left off in the 10th grade.'

'You do realise how crazy that sounds right?'

'Please! We specialise in crazy! This is nothing! Besides, you need me.'

'Alright. Thank you!'

'No problem.'