Outer Space | Spruceworth 6.3

Chapter 37: Memory

Chapter 37: Memory

~Ollie~

       "You know, if you're going to come here, it might actually help if you're not on your phone the whole time," Shaw said as I helped him clean up the snack table at the support group meeting.

       "I was still listening," I said. 

       "I can tell you weren't really listening," Shaw said. "Nobody is forcing you to come here, Ollie. If you don't want to be here, then you don't have to come."

       "Well, I didn't know what else to do today," I said.

       "So you came here because you were bored?"

       "Pretty much."

       That wasn't even close to the truth. I just couldn't tell Shaw the truth, even though he was always here for me to talk to and I knew no matter what, he would never judge me. For the life of me, I just couldn't say what was on my mind and what was bothering me.

       It was one thing I struggled with and probably one thing I would always struggle with. 

       "Ollie, you know you can tell me the truth, right?" Shaw said. "I know you're not really here because you're bored."

       "Obviously I'm here because I feel like drinking," I said. "I thought that was a dead giveaway. I'm not going to show up here just because I'm bored."

       "Why do you feel like drinking again?"

       "Doesn't matter."

       "It does matter. If it's something you can change or avoid--"

       "It's not and it still doesn't matter. I can handle it myself."

       "Ollie..."

       I finished putting the cookies back in its container. "I'm going to head home. Grant's probably back by now."

       "Are you going to come to the next meeting?" Shaw asked.

       "Dunno," I said. "Possibly. I'll see what I'm feeling that day."

       Before Shaw could question me anymore, I left the room to head home because I really didn't want to talk about it anymore. Even if I did want to talk about it, I knew I wasn't going to be able to. I never was able to say what was on my mind when I was sober.

       I mean, I was surprised I was able to propose to Grant since I struggled so much with saying what I was feeling.

       I left the hospital, where the support group meetings were always held, and started heading home. I was starting to think I should have stayed home the whole time because I was extremely exhausted and was probably going to crash as soon as I got home.

       But I knew it wasn't best to be home alone. Not when the memories of the school explosion nearly two years ago was vividly playing back in my mind, causing me to crave the one thing that took my mind off of these sorts of things, albeit being temporarily.

       As much as I preferred autumn over summer, I was missing summer a whole lot when my dad didn't have to go to work. Now that he did, it was often for me to be home alone with him at work, Grant at Sing Loud and Proud rehearsals, Ernest at work, and Myra at school.

       And I had nothing to do.

       All because I couldn't go to university yet because of my stupid criminal record.