Secrets

Chapter 9 ✧

I was up all night, tossing and turning in bed thinking about how I'm going to tell Easton that...well...I like him, and that I want to try make things work. Since he doesn't want anything to do with me it makes it even harder telling him. It was hard enough breaking down the walls I built up so high to protect myself from anyone like him, but now I fear the feeling of rejection. I know he said he digs me but that was before, before he said he was done with me. Maybe despite me finally coming to terms with my feelings for him he will still feel the same and want nothing to do with me. That was all I could think about last night in bed, if I could take it. That after opening up to him, risking my inner sanity, could I take him not feeling the same way, staying true to what he said before, that he's done. I haven't come to an answer yet but that seems to be a recurring theme, not being able to make any decisions or formulate an answer and making wrong judgements. The decisions, answers and correct judgements all come later, usually after I've screwed everything up, prime example me rejecting Easton and stupidly now wanting him.

One thing I came to a conclusion on last night while I restlessly rolled around in bed was that I want to tell him in person, but that presents many difficulties. Since we can't be seen together and he doesn't exactly want to see me I can't just walk up to him and talk to him, even though I would never be so bold and do so in front of all his bikie friends. I have to then some how get the message to him without directly talking to him, leaving me with the option of a note. I can't do it in French since I don't sit with him and I'd be too scared that he'd throw it back in my face in front of everyone out of rage. So all in all the struggles and complications leaves me with the option of putting a note in his locker. I know he says he doesn't care about school or anything and there would therefore be no need to go to his locker but surely he would go to his locker for an un-school related reason. Maybe he'd go for a packet of smokes or some food, anything. Then he would see my note and he'd have to come, wouldn't he? If he doesn't then that's how I'd know that he really meant what he said...

Only problem is (besides the many other problems just stated) that I don't know his locker. Now what I am about to do is so out of character, down right wrong and insane of me but I'm desperate.

"Hello miss," the nurse says I enter the room. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm feeling very lightheaded and dizzy," I say with my head resting in my hand, "I'm not sure what's wrong with me."

"Why don't you have a lie down over here miss, what was your name?" the nurse says guiding me to the bed before turning to her filing cabinet. The nurse has everybody in the school's files on record including their locker number in case of emergency.

"Juliana Hudson," I say and the nurse opens the 'h' filing cabinet draw, which is directly two draws above the 'w' one. She retrieves my file and begins to reads the information regarding my health history.

"Have you been under any stress lately?"

"I guess so, school hasn't been easy lately."

"And how is your head feeling as your lying down?"

"A little better, I still feel dizzy and it feels like there is a lot of pressure."

"I'm going to grab you a damp cloth to put on top of your forehead, hopefully that will help," the nurse says going to the sink, her back to me. I reach out to the 'w' filing draw wrapping my hand around the handle and begin to slowly pull in open while trying to not make any noise and still have one eye on the nurse. "Here you are!" the nurse says turning around with a cloth in hand and I jerk back in my original position unsuccessful in obtaining Easton's file. She places the water cloth on my forehead, which is anything but soothing and more so uncomfortable considering I don't actually have a headache. I need his file; I didn't do all of this to just leave without it.