Fearless

Chapter 19- Tell Me This Love Is Worth The Fight

April 5th

Taylor

"Come here, sweetpea," I sigh as I lift Violet out of her car seat, closing the door and then strapping her into her stroller. "You want this?" I take her sippy cup and her lovey out of the diaper bag as I hang it over the handle and she babbles as she takes the toy from me and I sit the sippy cup in the cup holder on the tray.

"Hey guys," Liz approaches us as I grab my purse from the front seat and I give her a soft smile as she leans over the stroller and kisses Violet on the cheek. "You look like hell," she laughs but her smile has a sympathetic undertone as she loops her arm through mine and I push my daughter in her stroller as we walk down the street. "It's been a long three weeks," I smile sadly, having barely enough energy to have even left my apartment today.

"Karlie will come around, she loves you," my friends have been saying that for weeks now but Karlie still hasn't spoken to me since that day and I miss her so much more than I can even explain. "How are things going with-" I don't even let her finish her sentence before cutting her off, "please, don't mention him, he's the whole reason I'm not with Karlie anymore," Liz sighs as she nods and I keep my focus on the street in front of us as we walk through the streets.

Our next two shows are in Denver so we head out there tomorrow, but Paula has been on at me about not being public enough with Jake so I have to meet him for dinner tonight. Liz wanted me to leave the house too since I've basically been a recluse since losing Karlie, so we're going to do some shopping and then she's going to take Violet back to my apartment and watch her whilst I go to dinner with Jake.

"Have you at least reached you to her?" She raises an eyebrow at me and I sigh, "I've tried texting her but she hasn't responded," Violet starts fussing so I stop to grab her sippy cup and hand it to her to stop her completely freaking out. "It'll get better," she gives me a sympathetic smile and I sigh as I nod,  I don't want it to get better, I just want Karlie.

Karlie

"Kloss! Where is your head these days?" I don't even realise I'm zoned out until someone calls my name and I sigh, pulling my attention back to the moment, "sorry, I'm just a little homesick," I force a smile onto my face and follow the manager to the make up station. I've been between Paris and Milan for the last few weeks, and when Taylor made her choice I knew I couldn't let it distract me from my job, but I underestimated just how in love with her I am. I haven't been myself since that day and everyone has noticed, but I can't talk to Taylor just yet, I miss her and Vi too much and I just know I'll completely lose it if I speak to her just now.

"You need to be in front of the camera in thirty, Kloss, pull yourself together," I nod as I sit down, the hair stylist and the make up artist going to work immediately to finish what they started a little bit ago. The minute I have nothing to focus on, my mind runs straight to Taylor and worrying about her and Violet and trying to convince myself that the decision she made is the right one, even though I know it's not. She broke her promise to me and she's putting herself in so much danger, and I just can't face that. I'd rather suffer and not be with her than be the reason she feels like she has to do that.

"Is everything alright, Karlie?" Lydia, the hair stylist, has been on a lot of the shoots and shows I've done the last few weeks, and I've gotten to know her fairly well. "Yea, I'm just missing home a lot," I try and brush it off, trying not to think about it and just get through the day. "Are you missing home or the people in it?" She smiles sweetly and I shrug, but she's right, Taylor and Violet are my home and I miss them so much.

"Whatever has you feeling like this, it's worth fighting for. You wouldn't care so much if it wasn't." Everyone has been so quick to tell me to pull myself together, that there's no space for feelings in this career and if I wanna make it then I need to be able to keep moving and deal with whatever comes my way and not let it affect me, but nobody has even been remotely kind about any of it and I appreciate it so much.