Everyday in the last two weeks has been storms and migraines triggering to annihilate my well-being.
Time didn't ease my grief but interferes more with my work and ability to connect with my friends and family. Everytime they try to help me, I push them away. The only way I could get fix is an explanation from her.
Confusions are flooding my thoughts of what I did wrong that night. Did she regretted it? It wasnt what she's expecting to feel? Did I hurt her in the process? What is it?
I am contending with a persistent sense of hopelessness and lethargy.
The ability to concentrate and make decisions wanes, along with interest in eating or going out with friends. I always go straight to my apartment after work.
Sleep and wake up the next day.
I sometimes don't eat at all or only have one meal per day. I dont stop by Brooke and Maisie's apartment anymore to eat their latest meals.
Her disappearance shattered me into pieces. I can't be fixed. Only her can fix it. I need to see her again but what if that night was her way of ending it with me and saying goodbye.
Fuck that!
You can't just sleep with me and pretend I'll be okay with it. Yes I've done it with other girls before but I always tell them I'm not into commitments and only one night stands.
Tayla always jumps into conclusion and its smothering the only dream of my future with her shredded into gravel. Sometimes I just want to cover her beautiful mouth so she won't scream and complain about her decision to be with me.
I've been emotionally exhausted that I can't even think of plans with my friends or family. They might be able to distract myself from destroying my place again and again or look for someone to punch just to let out rage. This are beyond the scope of my suffering.
I went to work the same way since I got back from Australia. Losing hope in myself.
Most of the time, I'm into my thoughts that I forget the people around me calling or talking to me. It takes an annoying, controlling, self-absorbed, child to snap me out of it back to this shithole reality.
"Sup bro?" Grant sat across of me on one of the bar stools. Perfect person from what I'm dealing with.
"What are you doing here?" I asked flatly while wiping the glasses with a cloth. I put it over my shoulder and leaned my hands against the table. "What? I cant visit my brother at work?" He asked.
Grant is working nights every Thursdays. Then why is he here? Probably booking off again because he doesn't feel good or just ditched it. He can do whatever he wants because he's working at one of his father's auto shops. "Shut up. Are you supposed to be working?" I asked.
"Nah I told them I had an emergency at home"
This guy can do whatever he wants and still get paid. Lucky bastard. "You are such a liar" I squinted my eyes.
"Why else would I be here?" He smiled. I turned around from facing him and got one of our regular customer their drinks.
"What time are you done?" He asked few feet away from me. I walked towards him after I poured their beverages. "Soon" I said.
"How soon?"
"Soon Grant. Why?" He so demanding right now. He might of had a fight or argument with Vanessa so he's here to cool off. "I just wanna chill with you after" he stated.
"Sorry Grant. He's taken tonight. We're going bowling" Anya came in the view from the entrance of our line and crossed her arms, smirking at Grant.
