I am his, and he his mine • cmbyn (DISCONTINUED)

☼thirty four☼

The chilled air blew on my face and I could feel my nose getting redder and rawer by the second. I looked over at Oliver then eyed down at his hand that was hanging by itself, calling for me to hold it. I loved his hands. They were rough, and large, and he would always comment on how small and soft mine were. Would he like my small soft hands in his large rough ones right now?

Maybe not, people would give us looks. They would eye us up and down and then scoff. I wanted to keep my head held low and not make and impression in this big town, but that was then, now I thought i was willing to risk being talked about by someone I'd never see again for his hands. But would he?

I looked back into his ocean eyes and he was already peering into my hazel eyes. He saw me considering grasping my hand in his, he gave me a soft smile, and before I knew it I felt fingers intertwine with mine.

It felt good to have them back where they belong; in my hand. My heart raced at this gesture of affection. I just stared at our hands for a while, just gazing at their beauty. then the reality of things started to seep in and I remembered where we were. I brought my head up from my trance and looked at the faces of the people we passed. they were old, young, middle aged. they were all so delicately different but one thing was the same with every single one: none of them were looking at our hands. no one cared. 

I felt electric and I could feel the excitement bubble in my throat. I wanted to yell and scream but I kept it simple as a smile shone on my face. Oliver glanced over to me and saw my happy state. he squeezed my hand and kissed the back of it. and we walked like that for a while, hand in hand, and I smiling like an idiot. 

sooner rather than later we arrived at our destination, a small quaint diner that could maybe hold 30 guest at a time. it was old looking, something I assumed most people wouldn't even glance at since its so mediocre looking from the outside. but on the inside it was wonderful, the air smelt of pies and the decoration was exquisite. the old lady who greeted us smiled and asked us: "how many?"

"two," Oliver smiled. our hands were no longer together, he had let go when we walked into the restaurant and although I missed their warmth this place looked like a very family oriented restaurant and probably wouldn't appreciate us holding hands. so in the long run I was grateful he no longer had my hands in his.

"follow me," she said in a soft voice and led us to a tiny table by a large window that had two seats, sitting across from each other. 

"this is wonderful, thank you" Oliver spoke for both of us.

~

we were seated across from each other now. I, sipping and enjoying a warm tea. him, pouring pounds of milk and sugar into his black coffee.

"I don't know why I try to drink this stuff, by the end of everything it's always just milk somewhat  diluted by a drip of coffee," he laughed and broke the silence.

"and that  is why I always get tea. I could never drink coffee, not straight up at least," I gazed back out on the street watching the busy people bustle on this cloudy day.

"so, Elio, how have you been these last months?" he asked me

how have I been?

how have I been?

I couldn't necessarily say "oh I've been wonderful thank you," like I wanted to. I wanted to pretend everything was okay, and that everything had always been okay. I didn't want to talk about it because it would make me more sad, i thought. but I had to come up with an answer quick, it would be weird if I paused to think.

"oh you know...just...living?" that's  what I came up with? I mentally slapped myself as I said it. 'living?' no Elio, he doesn't know! 

my fingers twinged at the handle of the tea cup in anxiety. my eyes flicked back and forth and I could hear my heart in my chest, why'd did I have to be so weird?

"haha I get that completely, but in all seriousness--" I was being serious when I said 'living' did he think I wasn't? "I'm really happy for you, going to Colombia and all that that's a really big accomplishment. like huge. if I could afford something other than, "he suddenly hunched over closer to me and got a sly look on his face, "mediocre diner food" I tried to conceal my laugh and he went back to sitting up in his chair and spoke at a normal if not a little bit too loud voice, "I would take you to celebrate with a nice dinner. but alas, there are bills to pay and I have the bare minimum."

"right..." I didn't like talking about money, or how less or how much a person had of it. no matter who you are or what you do it always seems to put a damper on the conversation. "but how have you been?"

"um...okay I suppose. my book is almost done, and I know I've said that for a while but I'm being serious now. if I don't do it soon ill never do it, and if I never do it what's this all been about you know?" he shrugged

"yeah, I know."

it was quiet, it wasn't comfortable or uncomfortable. it was just quiet and the only noise were the little people in the restaurant chatting amongst themselves, and the chefs working and clanging pots and pans together.

a small woman suddenly appeared in front of our table "eggs Benedict on wheat," the middle aged woman who smelled of smoke handed Oliver his breakfast, "and the ham and cheese omelet with fruit and toast," and she handed me mine, "enjoy." she said flatly and hobbled back over to her spot behind the counter.

"alright," Oliver smiled down at his food, "shall we?"

"we shall," I smiled back and dove a fork into the side of the egg and began to eat the best breakfast I've ever had.

~

I'm not sure if it was the fact I was with Oliver or maybe it was because I hadn't really eaten food in 18 hours but I had never tasted more wonderful eggs in the history of my life. 

after we were through and we had both inhaled our eggs we headed back to his apartment. I was sitting on his couch and he was hovering over me, "Elio I hate to do this but, I have to go to work." he sighed and looked down at his feet, "I already missed yesterday and now I'm lat--"

"stop talking, stop making excuses for your responsibilities. this is completely fine. I need to explore the city anyway."

"thank you, but hey, if your going out, and you get lost or anything there are plenty of pay phones around the city and you can call my office, here" he scrambled for a piece of paper and a pen and started to write, "here's the number, um, and just ask for Oliver Ulliva or just Oliver I'm the only one with my name in the office so..."

"thanks Oliver."

"okay um, so I have to run but, ill be back at 5-ish maybe 6 depending on how the subway is working today. is that okay?"

"of course, I'll be back by then."

"okay, well I'm off then," he walked over to his door and grabbed a coat from his coat hanger, "and Elio, I'm really really happy your here." 

"me too." I smiled

he smiled to the ground and then spoke one last time, "later," and he closed the door behind him.

I sighed and sunk more into the couch. I checked my watch

 10:17 am

I had approximately 6 hours and 42 minutes to explore New York city.