Just Some Poetry

Emptiness

From the perspective of a broken soul

They see the world in color
But I can only try to distinguish between different shades of grey
Grey houses
Grey people
Grey thoughts
All colors vanished

Why do I live?
Who would care if I died?
At night I'm haunted
At day I'm haunted
Every hour
Every minute
Every second
I'm haunted
By the everlasting memories of my past which they refuse to see
Why don't they see me?
Why don't they see that I'm broken?
But when I cry for help
Noone is listening
Noone is seeing
And I'm still haunted

My burden is too heavy
Every step takes more effort
And leaves me more exhausted than before
What if I just
Lay down for a minute?
Lay down in the coldness of night?
And never stand up again?

My thoughts are
Too big
Too fast
Too loud
Incredibly loud
I don't want them anymore
I don't want to hear them!
I don't want to!!
STOP THEM!!
STOP!!!

Now they are silent
So silent
So quiet
There is nothing
No noise, no scream, no emotion
Only silence and emptiness
It's all so grey
And I'm so empty
I want to feel something, anything
Why is there nothing?
Why am I not able to feel?

I need to feel something
No matter what it is
No matter what it takes
Once again I take the blade
Once again I can't withstand
But I need an emotion
A proof that I'm still alive
A proof that I'm still able to feel
So I cut my skin
A first time
A second time
A third time
Feeling better and feeling worse with every cut
I feel pain
Every cut burns like hell
Shows me that I'm still able to feel
Shows me that I'm still living
I feel pain
And I love that pain
I'm addicted to that pain
It feels so familiar to me

I feel so cold
As I watch the blood leaking from the wound
As I watch the new cuts near the other fine white lines on my skin
It hurts
The wound hurts
My heart hurts
Why do I do this?
What's wrong with me?