If It Comes Back

Chapter 58

After sitting for an hour on the bed and several trips to the refrigerator to grab bottles of water for Gigi, Aubrey finally saw her emerge from the bathroom. She sagged against the door frame completely haggard. "I have never peed so much in my life."

"How many did you take?"

"All of them."

"That's a bit...obsessive."

"Says the person who literally bought every pregnancy test the drugstore had to offer." Gigi trudged over to her bed and sat down. She moved to swing her legs up yet realized Aubrey was in her way. With one look, he quickly moved over to allow her space. With her legs stretched out, she leaned against the headboard of her bed and waited for her life to possibly become undone. The silence that filled the room was disrupted by a loud gurgling noise, causing Aubrey to turn his head and see Gigi looking down at her stomach. He reached behind himself and grabbed the plastic bag the once held all the pregnancy tests and pulled out a bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos handing them over to Gigi. "What's this?

"When we stopped at the drugstore, I don't know... I thought you'd want some of your favorites if you were pregnant. I know they said pregnant women get cravings and I don't really know when those start but--"

"So were you hoping I'd be pregnant?"

"It was just 'if' Gi," he turned his face away from her and let his head hang low, "if you were pregnant."

"You're not answering the question."

"I-- I don't know. I mean I'd be having a child with someone I know, someone I care about, someone who I always imagined creating a family with. It would literally be a dream come true. Yet, on the other hand, this isn't the most ideal situation to bring a baby into." It was far from how Aubrey ever imagined he and Gigi would bring any possible children in the world. "What about you?"

She sat silent for several minutes. At first, Aubrey believed she was merely ignoring him but when he studied her face and saw her knitted brow, how she chewed on the inside of her cheek and stared off into space, it was because she was actually considering his question. Finally, she answered with her eyes trained on her feet to avoid looking into his. "That's a stupid question. It's obvious what my answer would be."

The nag to bite back and say her answer was stupid pulled at Aubrey. Her answer was no answer at all. It was some roundabout excuse she offered to give the illusion that she had answered him. He was familiar with the technique because Gigi had used it ever since they got back in each other's lives. She would find loopholes and openings to answer him truthfully without giving him the entire truth. She told them their baby had died, but not the circumstances, she hated doctors but never explained why, she claimed not to believe in love, but in reality, she denied herself of it. All of those instances and more, Aubrey had allowed her to toss whatever answer she could find to him and he accepted instead of pushing and pulling her to give him the entire truth. He had allowed it until the night before Toronto until he realized he couldn't let her have a way out and just accept whatever answer she gave him. "It's obvious you're avoiding my question. So I'll reword it, that way you can't avoid it." Carefully he placed a hand on her ankles causing her to look up at him with angry eyes and inadvertently doing exactly what he had hoped for... to look him in his eyes. "Do you want to be pregnant? Do you want to be pregnant by me?"

Gigi held his gaze and the more she thought, the more the anger left her eyes and was replaced by uncertainty. It wasn't an ideal situation at all. She and Aubrey had no type of commitment to each other and any form of a relationship they could have had effectively died in Toronto. She was also much too busy with work as well as creating her ballet company. The last thing she needed was a child to look after that would take up all her time and attention. Yet, she couldn't deny that maternal instinct in her. She couldn't be remiss of the ache she had to have her son back in her arms although having a new child would never truly heal that wound. And as far as Aubrey being the father, well she had never really thought of having a child with anyone else. She had never dreamed of it. When they were together and talked about their future, it was always Aubrey she imagined starting a family with but now when it hurt so much just to have him in her presence, she wasn't so sure. She knew he would be a good father, an excellent one, but she wasn't sure of herself. She wasn't sure if she could be mature enough and act cordially towards him so her child didn't grow up with resentment towards him or, worse, she end up resenting the part of her child that was Aubrey. Gigi released a sigh of defeat and looked away no longer able to handle the weight of his stare. "I don't know."