Little Old Me (not my Story!)

Chapter 5

ALL CREDIT GOES TO THE ORIGINAL WRITER

The day wouldn't get out of Emma's Mind-She talked to Miss Mills and helped her Carry a Suitcase Back. For other people it might be nothing but for Emma it enlightened her whole world-Miss Mills Did. Yet, she wasn't able to fall asleep once again. You're stupid, how could she like you? You're fat and depressed, why would anybody like that? The Voice in her head said just before Emma had to think about the 61kg Again. Her Best Friend, a Person She Met in the internet, had told her so often already that it wasn't fat, but of course Emma wouldn't listen to that. She thought they all just said it to shut her up; Oh how much she wished she was like every other Girl in her Class...she wanted to look like the Persons she saw outside, beautiful, Skinny, not-depressed. She lifted her sleeve a little bit to see the by now dried cuts on her Arm and her eyes became a little glassy. She'll never want me. Why would she? She's stunning and can surely have everybody she wants, why would she want me.. Emma closed her eyes like she did so often already and she imagined to be in another place, a place that seemed very special to her. She fascinated about it ever since, it was a cliff with a small Path, not big just very small and thin, a cliff that would give you the Chance to die quickly and without any pain. She wished for it, only if she had any place like that. A place that wouldn't let her undo anything, survive it or think twice. She wanted to drown herself in the bathtub so often already but was always too weak for it; Emma hated the feeling of it-she was too weak to live but also too weak to die. Accepting that she wasn't able to sleep anyway she took her phone out to distract her from the Urge to go to that bathroom again. She could do one day..she felt a little bit happy for one day, she didn't want to loose that now just because she couldn't sleep. Yet, those thoughts seemed to win once again, Emma knew the last Fight, which she won, wasn't the last one and surely her Luck wouldn't stay like that, she would never feel happiness, but she's got used to that already. She looked down at the Razor Blades once again, one last try to think about it again, but there was nothing to think about anymore. Suddenly she didn't want to fight anymore, she wanted to give up, she wanted it to be at least a little bit easier for the Moment. So, Emma took the Razor Blades and let it meet her Skin once again, after some time her Mind drifted away and everything went numb, she looked down at her Arms and found no place for new cuts anymore, so she put off her Pyjamas and started on her Thighs; it hurt more than on her Arms but Emma didn't stop, she didn't really know why she did it but she did it. Her Parents asked her why she did it a few times and Emma always said the same 'I don't know'. Deep down she thought she knew the answer anyway, It simply was too painful to say-too painful to admit. She saw the cuts and knew nobody would ever want her, so she did new ones, she saw herself in the Mirror and threw up again, it was all a devils circulation which she couldn't seem to get out of. Also she was addicted to the Red Marks on her Body, not having them made her feel uglier than actually seeing them. When she seemed to be done with her work, she let the Razors Blades fall at the Ground and she slowly crawled over to the Toilet, she felt sick to her stomach, probably because of the blood she lost after cutting, but she still reached the Toilet, put her hair in a Ponytail so it wouldn't get in her Face all the time, and Threw up, threw up until she would be that exhausted that she couldn't do anything else anymore than to flush the toilet, hide the Razor Blades again and go straight to Bed, finally escaping into her Dreams.