1960s // jally one shots

3!- johnnyboy

a not jally one .

prompt : "i'm bullet proof.. but please, don't shoot me."

...

spinning. everything was spinning. so fast. so insanely fast. he was curled into in his scrunched blankets, gripping onto them like they were all he had. his call with dallas was echoing through his head, covering over his mind and seeping into his brain like goop. all he could hear were his words they were so much no one cares johnny stop ripping everything out of everyone just so you feel better about yourself. dally didn't mean it dally meant it he meant it he hates johnny johnny's such a narcissist.

johnny called dallas because he just wanted to talk to someone and the rest of the gang was busy. he had a shitty week that was just suffocating his every move and he needed some advice from the his father figure. he wanted reassurance that the tightness loosens and he knew that dally was a god with words and could calm down his fire. dallas was always so nice to him, so kind and patient. he was an escape and his blessing but now he was angry and a storm and he yelled at johnny when no one else dared to.

johnny, i love you, you know this. i have a soft spot for you, you know this. but you do this too much! you feel a little down so you call and you cry and- i'm with a girl right now, okay? i really just want to have a good time, okay? call two-bit. or soda. they're all for cheering people up. and i'm for gettin' some with this pretty girly. i just- it's a lot. you. sometimes. and i'm sorry. ima hang up now, alright? uh- bye.

and then he hung up. and johnny cried and he wanted to call ponyboy but wouldn't he just say the same thing? johnny needed to do some things on his own. he needed to trudge through muddy waters with his own feet instead of hopping on someone else's back. he needed to be something for himself. dal was right. he was too dependent on too many people.

so, the small boy flooded himself in sheets and cried into them and pretended they were someone's shoulders. he sobbed until he fell asleep, a lonely mess on an empty bed.

...

he woke up feeling dizzy and not well rested. he can't sleep anything off he's always hurting he just needs to talk to someone to hear someone. he wanted dallas but he couldn't have dallas so he wanted pony and he fought his head for minutes before deciding he could call his best friend.

it rung for a few seconds before a raspy "hello" picked up the phone.

"is it normal to feel so much all the time?" was the first thing the older boy said, it was quick and rushed through his body falling out of his mouth in rambles. he didn't think of what he was saying, didn't care if he sounded like an attention whore, he just wanted to know if he was okay. "i'm sorry. i meant, i meant to say 'hello.'"

"right. uh, yeah it- are ya 'kay? do ya, do ya need me ta come over?" his voice sounded weak and tired, his words were light and short. and a pang of guilt shot through johnny when he realized he woke the poor boy up. but he ignored it.

"i'm fine. it's just- i feel so much and i don't know how to stop. everything is always wrapping me up and it's just so much it's so much pone, it's so much," johnny breathed, his heart rate quickening every second. his eyes started to tear up and he just  felt so weird and odd because pony couldn't ever relate to this. he wasn't a freak.

"j, that's okay. that's normal. are ya sure ya don't wan' me to come over?" his tone was laced with concern, a hint of confusion sprinkled over. he knew what happened when johnnycake got like this. he'd just keep spiraling and spiraling until he got to the bottom and then he'd break.

"i think i'm so indecisive on my emotions," johnny whispered, his eyebrows furrowed. "it's like, i'm bulletproof," he hiccuped, "but like, still, please, don't shoot me."

"i understand that."

"do you think i'm too much?" there was a shift in his voice, a little glitch that weakened his sound, made it smaller and almost inaudible. his words blurred into the walls and reflected off his irises in the form of tears. the little water droplets springing up and threatening to run over his eyelids. don't cry ponyboy doesn't want that.

"of course not, j. did- did someone tell you that?" the teen asked softly.

"no. no, uh, yeah. dallas. but you know how he is. he's honest and he's crude when he's annoyed," the small boy mumbled, "he said i'm too much. and i needa stop bein' suh much. but that's how he is." his words were starting to slur, getting messier and jumbled. he was starting to shrink and a pain was growing in his chest and he was starting to regret dialing this number.

"oh god, he didn't mean it, man. i swear. dallas, ya know how he gets. was he with a girl? i bet he was with a girl. he gets in a mood when he's, ya know. he's just antsy to get in a chick's pants and he doesn't really have time for anything else. not that you don't deserve time or anyth- just, it's not your fault, 'kay?" pony was speaking a mile a minute, wanting to prove to his best friend that he didn't mess anything up and that dal didn't hate him and that it was all fine.

"i- okay, okay. uh, actually, can y- you come over, maybe?" johnny whispered, still on the verge of crying. of breaking. of falling apart because of some stupid thing dally said because of some stupid thought his brain has.

"yeah, yeah. definitely. of course. let me just tell darry i'll be there in like 10 minutes okay? okay. see ya soon, j."

...

"you know, you know that i love you, right?" pony whispered into his best friend's ear. they were laying in the small bed that the 14 year old had recently found himself in. if anyone were to walk in they'd see the two as a resting couple, but they were far from that. neither of them had any intimate feelings for each other, and only liked to cuddle and be close in the friendliest way possible.

"i know," cade murmured, pushing himself farther into his friend's chest, "i love you too."

"so much."

"so much."

"and everything's gonna be okay."

"i know."

"and you're gonna be happy one day. i'll make sure you become happy one day."

johnny smiled at that. the idea of being okay. of not feeling like a mess up every 5 seconds no more you suck why'd you do this you should've just kept your mouth closed please just off yourself no more hurt no more pain just okayness. and okayness is all anyone could really ask for.