“Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can't get any better, it can.”
— Nicholas Sparks At First Sight
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Epilogue
The ride home was depressing. Harry played some loud Heavy metal while Al stared absentmindedly out the window.
I couldn’t stop crying.
My loud sobs turned into quiet whimpers. Every time I thought of Vic I felt a physical pain in my chest and clutched at my t-shirt in desperate hope to make it go away. Soon enough, my body took over and my mind shut down and I fell asleep.
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For hours, I just sat there. Sat there and stared at all our memories...good...bad...old...new..all of them. The lyrics to all Taylor Swift song’s were like second nature to me after 3 hours of continuously listening to them. My tissue box was over, and I had now resolved to using toilet paper. I was a mess.
The little black book, the perfectly drawn picture, the thousand letters, the little photos, the valentine and birthday gifts...all of them were spread out across my bed and floor, filling my head with the ‘what if’s’ and ‘imagine that’s’. My time of reminisce somehow managed to put me into a state of depression far worse than I thought possible. Unable to take it anymore I flung my self onto the feather filled bed and buried my face in the pink and purple pillow.
Safely tucked in my bed, I could feel the weight of my heart. The sensation of needles pricking my heart- thousand needles..all at once..going deeper by the second. I wondered if this is just a heart break, whether it would go away? Or was I in reality losing sight of the world and had I just let go my one chance at a happily ever after?
The never-ending questions crowded my mind and I resolved to taking sleeping tablets...something I wasn’t accustomed to-My brother was the rebel in the family-not me. After another dreaded hour of thinking, I fell into deep sleep, wondering if this was the end of my world.
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It was a month after Vic had left.
Even though I still missed him, and burst into tears every time I thought of him, the pain was getting better. I figured out a way to go through life. I spent my time focusing on how to get through the day and not the year. Soon I began to get consumed in my life and forgot about my broken heart. I avoided thinking about it.
When I went home however, I couldn’t avoid it. It had become a ritual of some sort for me to cry myself to sleep.
For the first 3 weeks after Vic left he tried calling me constantly. He texted me and Skyped me and I just ignored him.
Clean break, I reminded myself, I’m looking for a clean break. 3 weeks and 3 days after he left, he sent me a video message since I refused to talk to him. That night I cried louder than every before. Every time I remembered the way he said ‘I love you Bubbles’ on the video I cried.
That was the day it all stopped.
From what Al had told me Harry had told Vic to stop contacting me. That we were broken up. That he should just leave me alone and let me heal and move on. Vic was adamant not to let that happen. But Harry was pretty scary.
Eventually I began to cope. I began crying less. Only twice or thrice a week. I locked away all our memories in a big blue box and stashed it away at the back of my closet. I woke up everyday and reminded myself to be strong.
I knew that Vic would always be a part of my life. He made an impact on me. He thought me to love, to care. To share with another human being. And for that I will be forever grateful. He was a good person. And he made me strong.
That’s how I knew that I would be ok. That even though Vic would always be in my heart, and I would always hurt when I thought about him, I knew I would be ok.
Just before I drifted off that night, I sent Vic a message.
‘You’ll always be special to me. Go live your life. And let me live mine. Then maybe one day we could make it our life. Together. But till then, just know that you’ll always be in my heart. I love you Victor. Forever and Always.’
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