My Journey away From Depression

The Chosen One?

"Mom, Dad, cross my heart and hope to die. It's really the end of the world."

I remembered myself swearing on my life about the end of the world. I rarely swear on my life because that only means that i am telling the truth. But why are we all still alive today? Something is telling me that by being an honest person, i was able to save the world after it has ended. That during those 21 days that i was unconscious, God changed the world in order for me to save it.

After what happened on May 4th, after God gave us His blessing and speaking through my mind, i finally understood all the visions i had. He chose me to save the world. Until now i am asking myself why i was the one he chose. Why he chose to speak to me. But then i remembered how my love for Renz could reach the heavens. How hard i prayed to stop the catastrophes and natural calamities on earth. How my love for the people around me is as pure as ever. How i wanted to create a book proving God's existence to the whole wide world. And then suddenly it all made sense to me. He chose me for a certain reason. He chose me for all those reasons.

"Lord i don't know how i can thank you enough for everything that has happened to me. From the day that i was confined in the ward up to today, i know it was all meant to happen. I know you've been secretly doing things around the world. I can see that our country is more peaceful now than ever. I hope peace spreads all throughout the world soon. Thank you for choosing me. For granting my wish to let Renz be my soulmate instead of Richard. I know it was a lot to ask to have your soulmate be changed and i know it was the reason why i was suddenly unconscious for 21 days. My memories are still foggy but i still remember how hard i fought to live during those days. I know that all of those were just a test if i can manage to prove that my love for Renz was endless. And you knew even before i asked that i will succeed, that's why you chose me. Now i consider my depression as a blessing. I'm all okay now because you saved me. I promise that i won't let you down. But still i can't believe it. Am i really the chosen one?"

Yes you are.

A voice inside my head keeps saying that everytime i ask that same question. I can sometimes feel that my parents also feel that there is something different with me now. Lord changed me a lot. Now, I never forget to light our altar everytime it's 6 pm. I never forget to pray before eating or sleeping. I always go to church every Sunday unlike before. I always talk to him when i'm alone and i tend to unconsciously shed some tears.

"Dear God, i am so thankful for giving me this heart of gold. For giving me this brain of mine to put all your puzzle pieces together. For making me who i am today. It is all thanks to you. The only thing missing in my life now is Renz. But i can feel that we need to overcome these trials first that separates us in order for us to be together forever. I will wait Lord God, i will always wait for him."

Love is patient. Love is kind...

"Yes i will be patient and just wait for our love story to unfold."

Whenever i talk to one of my close friends, she will just tell me that i have no more hope to be with Renz again. I am frustrated because she is my friend yet she can still say those harsh words to me. But in my heart i know that God is just testing me.

Recently i started writing in Wattpad. I created some series of poems called Random Poems about how i managed to overcome depression. I was glad that i could somehow connect with others who experienced the same struggles like me. I loved their comments on my work, some even told me that it was an inspiring poem and it described exactly what they were feeling. I wanted to help them like how God helped me. I wanted to inspire the people undergoing depression and make them realize that life is worth living. I keep on searching poems about depression and commenting to the author that everything will be okay soon and that they shouldn't forget to pray. I wanted to spread God's word.

And then i Met Rama, a person who have almost the same views as me. We have different religion but she also experienced depression like me. Her words inspires me to take care of myself and just be patient. We helped each other through words. She understood how i felt about my boyfriend. It's like we were destined to meet and help ease each others problems.

I keep having these dreams about my boyfriend and about how i saved the world. I know dreams have psychological meanings. And im glad because even though Renz and i can't be together for now, atleast in my dreams we are happy and in love together.

Until now my boyfriend is sending me sweet messages everyday. It's been a year since he last came to our house but he can still manage to make me feel loved through his words. I know this is God's plan for us. To separate us first and make us prove that distance makes the heart grow fonder. All i need to do is just wait and pray.

Be patient child. Your time will come soon.