Redress (gxg)

Chapter 23 "Complication"

Alexandra

I stared blankly at the pen resting on the center table, trying my best not to roll my eyes at Becca's whining voice as she was currently pacing in the middle of her office, giving lectures about what went wrong on the conversation I had with Lauren. She was pissed when I told her about what I told Lauren, but she went furious about the fact I left Lauren hanging after we confessed our feelings to each other.

"I can't believe you confessed, and just left it at that!" she whined, her hands on her hips, glaring at me as she stopped pacing, shaking her head.

I sighed, "I didn't know what to do at that time, okay? It was too much for me..."

"Still, you should have left her something she could hold on to."

"And what would that be?" I asked confusedly.

"You could have said that you two will talk about your relationship or something, again...but all you did was leave after you told her about the shooting. Nicely done Alex," she answered mockingly.

"Look, I got a lot of things to think about, not just my relationship with Lauren..."

She clicked her tongue, disappointingly, "Make Lauren your priority for once Alex, forget about your revenge for a moment...You deserve to be happy amidst what's going on, so does she."

I shook my head, "It's not easy Becks, especially now that I'm getting close to my goal..."

She sighed frustratingly,  "Lauren...she has  a lot of patience, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't get tired of waiting for you Alex...If you don't want her to walk away, make her feel that you want her, that you wanna be with her...otherwise, you'll regret it in the end," she said calmly, making me bit my lower lip, as she was right. Lauren had told me how it hurt her for not telling her everything, but could I really do it? Tell her everything about me, and what was going on, knowing the risks? I knew she was curious, she wanted to know something about me, and I totally understood her, knowing the feelings she had for me, but it was just the situation right now that was stopping me from telling her everything. 

But if I kept her in the dark, would I be able to watch her go, knowing her patience was running thin?

"I don't want her...to go Becks, but I can't just let her be with me, it's too dangerous for her."

"That's not your decision to make, whether she stays or not Alex. It's hers. All you have to do is tell her everything, and the rest is up to her."

"But I don't want her to get hurt--"

"You're already hurting her Alex, although not physically..."

"I know..." I mumbled wearily, briefly burying my face on my hands, "I just don't know what to do," I admitted, making her faintly nod in understanding. She then went to sit beside me, before sighing, looking at me sympathetically, "I wouldn't forgive myself if something would happen to her..." I added, looking at her hopelessly.

"You are really in love, bud," she mumbled, making me snort eventually as I shook my head. I liked how she could easily shift my mood, just by saying something unexpected.

"I guess I am..." I said weakly, flashing her a small smile.

"Tell her the truth...everything, about you, and maybe, about your revenge? She's one of the most trustworthy person I have ever met Alex, and I know you knew that already...Yes, it wouldn't be easy in your part, but try to keep her in the loop...and if she stays..." she trailed off as she smiled, "then you got the best woman you could ever have Alex..."

"Honestly? I wanna tell her everything, I just couldn't bring myself to do it..."

"Take your time Alex," she mumbled.