Its All Fate.

(2) Confession

*Sarah POV*
I woke up running around the house like crazy thinking that I'm late for work. It took me 20 minutes stressing out till I realized that I don't have to go to work anymore. I don't even remember sleeping last night.
Last night was supposed to be the last night, literally. I was already writing my suicide note.
I went to pick up the notebook I wrote in last night, it was just scribbles.
Why did I choose to write a note? I never had any inspiration to write before even as a kid, let alone when I'm gonna commit suicide.
I picked up my phone just to pass time, I hadn't even noticed that I had 2 text messages. It was an unknown number. I knew it was gonna be some spam number probably advertising for a shitty product, yet I opened it anyway.

unknown:
-Sarah, Its Levi! Tonight @ Carol and John's! I'm gonna send you the location now. Also I can pick you up!
-*Location*

He really had high hopes of me actually enjoying life. I replied with a thumbs up emoji, not really knowing why I agreed but I know that I'll just shut my phone off and just do it, hopefully today. My neck hurts badly, but I'm kinda used to it by now since that I haven't been sleeping in our room lately. I just can't get myself to do it. Every time I enter that room, it's like the memories haunt me, somehow not the good ones but actually all the times we fought or the times I was stubborn enough to just not talk first. Even though we fought often I never really felt that one day we won't be able to fight our silly fights or get mad at each other for simply not closing the door or leaving the TV! Oh god, I miss her so much. She really was my everything...

The day was just normal. I ordered pizza since I still didn't have any food in the house and I didn't plan to go and shop for any cause this should be the last day. It was now 5:35 pm and I was snoozing on the couch when my phone rang. It was Levi.

Sarah: Hello?
Levi: Hey its Levi!
Sarah: Yeah hi
Levi: I'm gonna come pick you up at 7 so I need your adress.
Sarah: Okay, I'm gonna text you it.
Levi: Okay see you.

Ugh! I can't believe I have to start getting ready. I sent Levi the location then took a quick shower and tried to curl my hair but failed but at least it was good enough to go out. I decided to wear a purple velvet shirt , black jeans and my trusty vans. It wasn't something but I was satisfied with my look. It was now 6:40 so I decided to stay on my phone a bit. This was a bad idea. All I did was ask watch every single photo me and Rose had. I wish we took more.
Levi came and picked me up. He tried to start some light conversation in the car but I think he gave up when he just turned the volume of the radio up so the songs would drown the tension in the car.
Carol and John's place was awesome. It was spacious and it looked absolutely glamorous. They had an awesome backyard and 2 puppies. I sensed that today was gonna be the last day for me to be genuinely happy.

We all played childish games like twister, Monopoly and  stuff like that. I laughed for the first time from months. I really laughed from my heart and it's like life spread out through my soul. I realized for the first time that I don't need something huge or something I already love to make me happy and satisfied, it's just the small details that matter. The small details that can change every thing you had planned completely.
The problem is, I wasn't quite ready to give up my decision yet. If I ended this living hell that I call a life, I would be happy on the other side, with my parents and Rose. I wouldn't have to suffer like I do now. I wouldn't wake up everyday sad that I didn't die.
"Okay guys let's play a game called I need to confess, we used to play it back in college in parties when we were drunk and it was amazing, do you remember Sarah?" said Levi getting me up from my day dreaming. I need to stop doing this often. I nodded in agreement, it really was amazing.
"I'll go first," yelled Carol "I need to confess that I used to hate John and mocked his accent back in college," she said shyly looking at her now boyfriend that she loves. "Hey, not cool!" said John nudging her in the shoulder with his elbow playfully. "I need to confess that I used to dress like my mom in make up and dresses and go hit on drunk guys in bars," he said falling off his chair with laughter. It was amusing yes, but in many ways it was weird and twisted. "I need to confess that I used to have a crush on Sarah," said Levi looking at me and tried to study my face and reaction.
I honestly didn't know how to react to this, I always thought of Levi as a roommate and a friend. He was my only friend along with Rose as well. When we lost touch I was devastated but I had Rose keep my company. "I didn't know this and I also didn't know you kept secrets from me you jerk!" I said amusingly in order not to make this awkward as much. He laughed nervously and behind his laugh was something I couldn't explain it.
It was my turn and I didn't have any idea what to confess. There is just one thing to confess and I'm not gonna confess to my 2 day friends already. They are gonna think I'm weird and have some teenage depressed thoughts. "So Sarah what about you? Confess anything girl!" said Carol encouraging me. "I honestly don't have anything exciting except one thing that I'm actually gonna do soon but I am afraid to tell anyone about it," I rambled on and on that I felt like I was talking non sense. "Hey, I confessed that I love you, loved you, so don't be afraid. We can be your human secret diaries" said Levi smiling.  He was so sweet just like how I remember him.
I'm torn now; should i tell them or should i not? They seem like the type of people who actually listens to someone and can keep their secrets. On the other hand, I don't want them to change my mind. It took me a lot of time to finally set my mind on it without feeling guilty or anything.
Before I can think about the whole thing more, my mouth started talking without me even recognizing it "I need to confess that I'm gonna commit suicide."
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