In trying to be prefect for him, I realised how average I am. I knew this as a child; I was not academically outstanding neither was I pretty. I was talentless, underachieving, plain. These are things that I have ingrained within myself. They're at the very core of my being and I cannot convince myself otherwise. I can't heal.
I tried everything to say ''hey I'm here, I exist, please love me" without saying it. I would be the loudest in the room; making jokes if not about something else I'd make fun of myself, this would later cause more hurt, I acted silly and said outlandish things. The adults did not praise me simply for being pretty like they did other girls, who just by being in the room were drawing their attention. Two particular girls, who I am sorry to have acted horribly towards on one occasion, where I told them I didn't want to be friend because I didn't like them. I did like them, I envied them. Their green eyes, blonde hair, white skin. Their family, their beautiful home, the presence of both their parents in the household.
I wanted my mothers green eyes and her kind nature, but I was selfish and ugly.
YOU ARE READING
Once Upon A Time, Time Stopped
PuisiDon't let your mind wander too far, for it will lose its selves - soul, thought and body. A soul that has lost its body is like a cat straying until it cannot pick up the familar scent of home anymore. It never returns, falling slave to a human God...
