cheated on | JENSOO

10【MISERABLE】

[Jisoo PoV]

"Jennie, I. . ." I trailed off and looked away from her. My heart pounded in my chest and my vision blurred.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say what I knew I should say. I didn't know how to say it.

I self-consciously bit my lip and prayed for the situation to resolve itself without me. To just go away. But, I knew it wouldn't ever be that way, I knew she'd never let it go.

"Jisoo. .  Baby, look at me." I shook my head and took two steps sideways, trying to maintain the distance she so clearly wanted to close. Jennie moved her body in front of mine again, but respectfully maintained about a three feet distance and spoke in a low voice,

"I want to be yours forever, Chu. I know I messed up and I know you most likely hate me right now. . . But, I can't live without you. Please, just. . give me another chance and let us build a future together. Please. .  I want to grow old with you."

I didn't even raise an attempt to answer her this time. Instead, I choked back a sob that I knew was going to be loud and covered my mouth with my hand. I couldn't help myself as tears slowly rolled down my face and dripped onto the bedroom carpet.

I felt miserable.

Why did she have to go and say these things now of all times? Why did she have to make it so hard to say yes when I would have easily done it before. Why did she have to screw up what I thought I already wanted in my mind?
Why can't I say no? But why can't I say yes?
I'm afraid that if I say no, I'll never have this chance again. Jennie is and will always be the love of my life. But, right now, she's a love that I can't stand to be around. . .

Why did she do this to me? I feel weak and helpless.

"Please answer me?" She asks in a defeated voice that can't even begin to mask the way her voice quivers as she spoke.

Still unable to speak, I move away from her again, this time walking far into the bedroom, past the bed, and near the closed balcony door. I can't bring myself to stand near her when my mind is plagued with happy thoughts of us going on vacations in places like the Caribbean and Hawaii; living in a house just off the coast of the ocean or the sea; adopting children and living well, taking the kids to school and loving them as if they were directly our own; growing old and holding one another in our arms even as we breathe our last breath—all of this while being happily married.

I cry harder now with choking sobs, cursing the fact that I'm breaking down again, just as I had done maybe twice earlier that day.

Apparently, Jennie couldn't bear to see me crying because of her, because within a couple of sob-filled minutes, arms came and slipped around my shaking figure.

For a bit longer than I had meant to, I let her hug me, needing the comfort, needing the reassurance that her body and embrace always gave me. But seconds later, I sniffled until I coughed and tried to pull myself away from her, not able to use my hands since they were stuck in between us. She was squeezing me hard.

"Don't. . ." I said softly, my voice reaching barely above a whisper.

"Please, Jisoo. Don't do this." She rubs my arm with her hand, not loosening her grip one bit.

"Stop. . . Let go of me, Jennie." I said between soft sniffles. I used much of the strength I amazingly still possessed and pushed some much needed space in between us. I held her body away from me with my hands as if she were an old dirty diaper that would make me sick if I was too close to it. I struggled this way for no more than about 10 seconds before Jennie eventually gave in and loosened her hold on me to the point where I could easily break away.