cheated on | JENSOO

17【I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH】

[Jisoo's POV]

A year; that's how long it's been since the last time I've seen or even heard from her—yet I still can't bring myself to speak her name.

Either way, I guess after Chaeyoung beat her up so badly that night that I literally cried as it scared me to death if she never got to breathe again, she finally got the picture.

She left me alone.

She stopped coming to my job and back to the house, she never called again or tried in any way to get in touch with me.

No flowers,

No cards.

Nothing.

Obviously, I can't even lie and say that I don't miss her. I miss her presence, her voice, her smile, her face, her hair, her body, everything about her, I miss. . . But I also feel like I can finally move on with my life, move at a pace that's completely comfortable with me.

It'd also be a lie to say that I can smile again, like I used to; because I don't. I'll never be able to smile that way again, I already know that.

But now, at least I can admit that I have smiled, I can smile now, and I'm proud of myself. Even more proud that I've stopped crying . . . as much as I used to.

Every now and then, my heart still aches over her. It aches to the point where I lay in bed for hours mulling over my misery, crying myself to sleep or snuggling up with a fat carton of strawberry ice-cream trying to smother my sudden wave of sadness in the comfort of food.

Yes, this has been holding me back for quite some time now, but nonetheless, I've found a ray of happiness to fall back on in my screwed up life. Every day at work, Jinyoung has been coming around to my office, keeping me company and comforting me when I had needed it. I don't even know when it started, but after a while I welcomed it to the point where I looked forward to it each time I walked into the building for the day.

Outside of the office, Jinyoung has also accompanied me to my house a few times. She's been a big help to me, she's very nice and patient with me . . . I guess I can say that she's been my stepping stone in forgetting her.

The woman I could never completely forget in a million years, but am well on my way to getting over. She's the woman that had easily stolen my heart, locked it up and made it her, but had also broken and stomped on it—but will always have it. . . I still love her so much it hurts.

Look at what she's doing to me even though she's not even around anymore; I'm contradicting myself because of her, constantly feeling sorry for myself because of her. But in all honesty, I understand that I'm slowly getting over her—loving her still, but able to live without her.

That's my closure.

I was sure about it with myself when Jinyoung and I started talking about two months after the fight Chaeyoung had with my ex, but we didn't start dating until four extra months even after that.

During the entire time we were getting closer, I was terribly scared, afraid that it would all end in the same way, afraid that my life would repeat what it had already repeated twice before. I almost couldn't deal with it . . . But I guess I let Jinyoung in because I just really needed someone to talk to.

Rosé was always the perfect, first candidate to listen to my fears, concerns, and problems, but she wasn't always there. But Jinyoung was, always being the great listener he was, only offering solutions when I could go on no more about my own problematic thoughts and feelings that still lingered for the woman that'd almost destroyed me. And after some time, while observing the way Jinyoung looked at me while listening and the way he gave me his full attention, only seeing me, I then noticed that I had started having feelings for him.