The Dark Lord's Playbook of Nefarious Misdeeds

Conflicted Feelings

Two Days Later

"Tom, what- where are we going?"

"Just taking a detour through the city one last time. If we make it home eventually, I'd like to remember the historical places we've been despite the fact they are horrible. Anyone who dares to tell me otherwise can go live somewhere without indoor plumbing and tell me how great that is.", I smiled as he dragged me along, because yes, while the past was were from an academic perspective, it is not something that I will endeavour to live in again.

I longed to pull out the polaroid camera that I discovered in the deeper recesses of my beaded bag. It was one of the possessions of my parents that I decided to keep after I wiped their memories. I purloined the camera and a photo album. While it hurts to think about them that way, I know that they are better off- safer. Despite Tom being here with me, essentially sidelined from the war, his Death Eaters are still out there scouring the country for muggleborns and their parents. I just hope that they are further enough away that they will be out of sight out of mind.

"Tom, can I ask you a question?" I had never been able to ask him about my parents. I didn't want to disrupt the static balance we had achieved thus far. But I realise that- as much as I am not ready to admit certain feelings that are arising- if we are to move forward in any fashion issues of a particular nature need to be addressed.

"Your parents, I assume?", he dropped back to a stroll beside me his hands in his pockets, his head hanging forward.

"I didn't dare to ask until now", he smiled, but it was unpleasant like a sour taste was left in his mouth.

"No, I know you had to wait until I was fond enough of you so I wouldn't kill you for bringing it up", it hurt to even admit to myself that that was the reason why.

"Yes, and because I am angry- so so angry at you for that", and I was pissed but more so hurt. " It makes everything difficult the more I get to know you- that I-"

"Guilt. You feel guilty for even liking me a little bit-betraying your friends' etcetera etcetera...." I hated doing this, but I needed to know everything. I couldn't in good conscience continue our...acquaintance without airing some of his more heinous misdeeds. Both of us have been ignoring most of the issues swirling above our heads like a bleak black cloud.

"Did you order them to be killed?", my throat constricted, my tongue heavy, the words thick like tar. They tumbled from my lips barely above a whisper, almost completely getting lost to the arctic breeze which seemed unrelenting in it's the ability to suffuse down to our bones.

"No. My followers may have taken what I initially said and ran with it, putting their creative spin on it. Yes, I did want all the muggleborns rounded up and their relatives. But not for any nefarious purpose. Then I wanted the half-bloods also, then the pure-blooded ingrates. " I was discombobulated by his vague explanation. I reached out and grabbed his arm roughly, stopping him from walking.

"We were all told that you were trying to exterminate us- a genocide", I wasn't entirely sure I believed him.

He barked out a harsh laugh- it was not in any way a humorous sound. Horrid, disgusting bile inducing anticipation laced with trepidation scraped at my insides. I placed a hand on my stomach like that alone would prevent me from dispelling the contents of the organ on the sidewalk.

"Ha- no if only I were a wizard version of Hitler. God Dumbledore has warped my perception, what am I? Grindelwald 2.0?", we were getting strange looks from people passing by, their scrutinising disapproval was not doing anything to detract me from my current state of misery.

I observed Tom and the combination of the expressions that flittered across his face were unfathomable exasperation, extreme bitterness and mania that frightened me. I was torn between standing there with him- watching him pace back and forwards and bolting. Wanting the knowledge, he had and hearing it were two different things- I was afraid, and it felt oppressive.