Reject (mxm)

Chapter Ten: Ciaran

I woke up early and prepared breakfast for Ruari as an apology for my outburst about Jean. When I knocked on his door and got no answer I assumed he was still sleeping. Both of us fell asleep at nearly dawn and after the events from last night I decided it's better to let him rest.

I left the food on the table and a short note telling him where I was going for the day with another appeal for forgiveness before going downstairs to meet with Lorcan and the council.

There hasn't been a raid since Ruari's arrival, thank the spirits, but we're still on the edge. We're not stupid to think they've given up, if anything, I think they're regrouping.

"You look like shit," Lorcan greeted as I entered the kitchen.

"I know." I answered as I sat on the stool next to him.

I could feel his gaze on me and as always he didn't say anything. He just sat quietly beside me sipping his coffee, waiting for me to fess up. Sometimes I envy Lorcan for his patience.

I placed both my elbows on the counter to support my aching head with my hands and sighed.

"I fucked up..." I started.

"Yeah," he replied blowing at his coffee. "We all heard last night."

I winced and tried to ignore the fact that I majorly screwed up and created a scene in front of the pack.

"I panicked. I wasn't thinking straight."

He raised an eyebrow and motioned for me to continue.

"It was going good, more than good actually. He even let me hold his hand while we were walking at the mall. Then we went to have dinner. We were having a moment or about to I'm not sure. I think I moved too fast. Ruari balked and everything went downhill from there."

I kept thinking about it. The fight wasn't really about Jean, well partly but not wholly. Everything fucked up when Ruari felt cornered. And I, fool that I was, became impatient. I should have retreated  and continued on my subtle attacks on his defense while I was still on good solid ground. But last night I threw caution to the wind and end up buried deep in muck. I realized my mistake but it was too late to retract. In the end I crashed and burned, again.  

"He was talking to this guy on the phone..."

"How do you know it's a guy?" I looked at Lorcan like he has a screw loose but he has a point. How do I know Jean is a guy? I just assumed he was.

Lorcan shrugged. "You don't know if Jean is a guy or girl."

"But that's not the problem! The problem is Ruari told that person 'Jean' that he missed him." I snarled reliving the part of the conversation feeling the same burning sensation in my chest. "I thought maybe I was misunderstanding something. I hoped this Jean was just a friend then Ruari suddenly said he loves him. I tried not to get angry but I couldn't do it. Could you?"

Maybe it's just me, I am possessive by nature I admit, but who knows how other people react when they hear the person they love utter those words to someone else. But Lorcan shook his head sagely, affirming that not even he can let that kind of thing slide, and continued to sip his coffee. I start to feel a bit normal again.

"When Ruari acted indifferent I just... snapped."

"Did you ask him who this Jean person is?" He asked.

"I did ask!" I growled pounding my fists on the counter feeling it crack from the force. "You all heard last night. He refused to tell me!"

Lorcan sighed and looked at me straight in the eyes. "Look man, as your friend, I hate to break it to you but last night, what you did, that wasn't asking."