Screen Names.

4

Evan chewed his lip bloody during class. I saw it. Yeah, actually blood that dripped to his chin. Beads of blood that just rolled slow enough for him not to notice, but for me to notice instead. Shit, it was nerve racking to see. I hoped he didn't like salty foods, because that would hurt like a bitch.

I still felt the swell of shame and guilt in the bottom of my stomach and the front of my throat. I felt the strongest need to apologize, yet that swell in my throat? It caused a traffic jam of words—Piled up like a brutal highway accident. It felt like hell. It felt physically painful each time I thought of another word to say; it added another car to the pile up. Satan was throat fucking me and was not going gentle. I tried to ignore my body's feelings and instincts and instead just watched my pencil twirl across my knuckles with the help of my thumb. It was a skill taken on from years of boredom in class.

The swelled feeling didn't go away after class ended. It just traveled to my brain. It didn't make sense out loud or in words. If you felt it, it would make sense. Probably. I don't know if it would, even. I don't know if I make sense to anyone or anything.

During my next class, since there was a substitute, I opened my blog and mindlessly started to click on buttons. I shot a text to Lefty.

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
School's boring and making me hate myself

My hand flicked up when my name was called. I was only half paying attention; most of my focus was on my phone screen.

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
Substitute teachers suck asses

"I'm so sorry if I get this name wrong," the poor woman sighed while she looked at the attendance sheet. "Suh-dee-she-nah?"

I heard a sigh from a desk nearby. Poor Sudeshna. "It's... It's Su-desh-nah."

"Ah, my apologies miss. Sew-day-nah?"

I heard her eye roll. Multiple times in the halls I've heard her complain about her name and wishing she could just be named 'fucking Elizabeth or something'.

"Sure."

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
The substitute teacher can't pronounce jackshit in my class lmao

[lefthand.smudge]:
let's get an F in the chat
im in Latin :0 the teacher doesn't give a shit anymore. im in the back of the class while we watch a movie, she even told us to go on our phones if we don't like it so we keep our mouths shut

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
Lmfao
I'm just listening to this lady drone on and on about something
I'm not even gonna bother learning what she's saying

[lefthand.smudge]:
mood
also, question

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
Also, answer

[lefthand.smudge]:
is your url related to sorority noise?

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
YOOOOO
YEAH IT IS

[lefthand.smudge]:
i never met anyone else who's really into it!!!

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
Forgettable. Best and angstiest album

[lefthand.smudge]:
definite angst. I'm a fan of you're not as ___ as you think you are, it's lowkey and still relatable as hell
and joy, departed. ultimate favorite.
no arguing

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
True true
I'm so excited you like them too

[lefthand.smudge]:
same
i was debating the whole time bc i wasn't sure if i was gonna sound like an idiot or a nut job lmao
i sounds like a nut job anyway lmao

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
Pft I /am/ a nut job tbh
Anyone can testify for it

[lefthand.smudge]:
awh nooooo
what nut job esque shit did you doooooo

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
Exissssssstttttt
Looook scarrrrryyyyyyy
Have a bitchy resting tooooooone

[lefthand.smudge]:
i look like the hunchback of norte dame dude
id rather look scary at some points
my rESTING TONE ALWAYS SOUNDS LIKE IM EITHER GONNA PUKE OR CRY

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
Skskjdksk
I sound like I'm gonna skank a bitch

[lefthand.smudge]:
id rather shank a bitch than cry or puke

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
Wh,,
What about all three
At once

[lefthand.smudge]:
like all three verbs
arw active at the same moment
cry while puking while shanking

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
yah

[lefthand.smudge]:
that's a lot of actions that take a lot of effort all at once

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
I would but I'm not good at multitasking
I'll get distracted by my puke

[lefthand.smudge]:
im usually good at multitasking but ive never been put into a situation that would test my ability to do all of that at once
im not a multitasker under pressure
if im under pressure ill cry and have an anxiety attack
im babie

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
oh lmao I just stress breakdown and end up yelling at something
One time I yelled at the periodic table of elements
"FUCK YOU, I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING LAMINATION, I HOPE IT BURNS RIGHT OFF YOU"

[lefthand.smudge]:
im gonna s o b omfg that's a mood
a mood and a fucking hAlf dude

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
It was wild
Chemistry wasn't my favorite class if you can't tell
I had massive breakdown at my lab partners house lmao I hated every bit of it
Still hate it

[lefthand.smudge]:
understandable
my family friend is good with stem classes so he helps me out, probably because his mom makes him
im the humanities kid out of the both of us
ive seen him madder at a history book than he ever could be to his computer crashing on him with unsaved work
both are an adventure to witness lmao

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
pFt
oh shit teacher looked at me dead in the eye
Skdkfjdksgottaskiddadle

[lefthand.smudge]:
text me later sorority noise

[yourenotas._.asyouthinkyouare]:
will do lefty

_

I have work in the morning and I'm doped on my sleep pills Hewwo

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