Screen Names.

16

We did joke a lot that night, Evan and I. I liked his giggles and chuckles. They were sounds I could definitely get used to hearing.

Eventually, the sun started to set and we started to wind down. I took his offer on sleeping the night, took loaned pajamas and a blanket. We both sat on the floor in front of the tv still, even thought we were barely watching the screen. I was looking at my phone mostly. When I glanced up, I realized Evan was looking at me mostly.

"...you never explained yourself," he mumbled to me quietly and leaned back against the wall. When I didn't respond, he added, "right? How you know my mom and all."

I slowly shrugged and put my phone down next to me. I looked at my hands and picked at my nail polish slightly before cracking my knuckles and trying to hold my hands still. "It's a weird story. Kind of a long story," I chuckled sheepishly and rubbed the back of my neck. I tried not to fidget, but it wasn't a habit I could break on the spot.

"We have a whole night," he sighed softly. "I feel like you can't come in my house, hug my mom and not tell me how you know her. That's just.. a bit weird, don't ya think?" He wasn't being snarky. He was being genuine. There was that tinge of confusion in his voice still.

I held back a probably very inappropriate joke, especially considering he doesn't have a father. And that I know his mom on a basis you'd know a therapist almost. Very vague and different, but it's the only way I could describe it. "Could be," I chuckled instead. "Just, buckle up. It's gonna be a complicated story."

"This is just making me more uncomfortable the more you drag it on without answering."

I so could've made an affair joke. I didn't. I stopped myself because that probably would step over some lines. I chuckled quietly though, a bit shy on the subject. "Remember when I was telling you about skid marks on the streets? If you don't, I totally get it, it wasn't very significant and not like a wow thing that would stick in your brain."

He shook his head. "I remember it," he told me. "The darkest spots are the ones the driver hit the brakes the hardest, right?"

I smiled slightly. It was a stupid thing to smile about, but it was just a tug in the corner of my lips. It wasn't an idiot grin. It just made my words feel warm in my chest, throat and mind when I thought about the fact he remembered a situation that was sorta... uneventful, but kind of important to me. It was one of the first times we really engaged with each other. It was nice to know he holds onto those types of memories too.

I paused to gather my thoughts. "Well, my friend wasn't in a car crash like I said. I was," I sighed. It felt like confession. "Street right off of Center Line Drive. It's on the way to school. The dark skids that lead to the thick tree with the knots on the side?"

I saw color start to slowly drip drain out of Evan's face. Car crashes were a fear of his.

"That was my car. A bypasser had to call 911," I explained quietly. "I was put under for a couple days to get through surgeries and shit, and I apparently wasn't fully conscious for another day or two after I woke up. I remember pretty well, she was the first face I saw. And I was scared. I was really fucking scared, because I didn't know if my family or if... if my family was there, yeah.. and I didn't know if I was alive, and I didn't know where I was. She kinda, pulled some strings for me and let someone I was close to come in. Granted, it was to test if I could verbally or physically respond to voices and commands, but it's still the thought.

She was actually... the best nurse I've had. She walked me through what she was doing while she was doing it, she let me talk to her and she listened to me, sat down with me if I needed it, and talked with me. She was also the one to tell me what happened. She... was my part time suicide watch nurse. Most hours of the evening to night area of time."

I glanced back to Evan, maybe to just see his reaction. He bit his lip and started to grind his teeth against it. I swear, that kid's gonna bite his whole lip off.

He hesitated. His mouth opened slightly, like he was about to speak, but he stopped himself to think. "You... crashed on.. purpose?" He asked meekly. I slowly nodded. I didn't know how else to respond to it. "O-oh." Again, I nodded, not knowing what else to respond with. "...can I, uh, can—shiiit okay this is gonna sound really weird but can I hug you?" He started to get blotchy and squeezed his arm.

I blinked hard for a moment. He wanted to hug me? "Yeah... of course dude." He wanted to hug me. He wanted to comfort me. Fuck, my chest started to tug a rope to my throat and they both tightened up. I felt my heartbeat across my collarbone and down my ribs. It wasn't the same weird feeling I got when I was anxious. It was similar. But not quite.

He scooted closer to me and hugged me closely. He... he had his mother's hug, if that made sense. It was the feeling of being protected from the world that he gave off. It was a warm, cozy and safe feeling hug. This was the most up close and personal I've ever seen him. He pulled me close, which felt really fucking good. So close that I could feel his one weaker arm he always squeezed shake very slightly, and his fingertips slowly starting to press into my back. I slowly hugged back, arms around his shoulders and hands between his shoulder blades and down his back slightly, holding him just as close. We could practically feel each other's heartbeats. It was... odd, to feel this all again. I didn't know if I liked it or not.

-
Hugs
Hugs are good
Connor is probably not big on that much physical attention at once from many people and is probably touch starved so let's be real he cherished every hug he gets

What do y'all think? I'm trying to improve my writing idk if it's working
Vote and comment!!