Jughead's Family Secret

Chapter 15

I rested up best as good at the hospital, we had visitors come and go, and Dad had brought me some button ups which made it easier to feed. I had given birth to Ash in the early morning and we were dismissed the next morning at around 9 am. I had changed her into a little yellow onesies that had flowers on it. I was wheel chaired out with her cradled in my arms, Betty following behind the wheel chair. We were forced to put Ash in her car seat, Betty drove and I stayed in the backseat to keep a close eye on her. I didn't even attempt to walk up the stairs, I picked up Ash and cradled her on the couch. Jellybean hadn't visited me in the hospital, so she eagerly sat by me having a hard time containing her excitement. "Can I hold her?" "Yes," I said," But sit down and be careful." I gently handed Ash to her making sure she was supporting the head. Betty walked in, Dad was at work. "Archie's wants to know if it's okay if him and his mom come to see the baby." "That's fine with me." They came, the baby was passed around, then eventually given to me to feed. We kept talking. They eventually left and I made my way upstairs to the nursery. Asherah started fussing and no matter what I did she wouldn't stop crying, I started getting overwhelmed, then I started sobbing. Betty walked in and grabbed the baby. I kept crying, I was struggling to breath. I managed through the panic attack. Betty had calmed Ash down. Betty laid her down and checked on me, I didn't want to admit to her that I was overly anxious about being a parent. Betty walked off, and I stayed in the nursery in the rocking chair watching Ash, silently crying. I suddenly realized I was so hungry, even though I had eaten a big breakfast. I walked down and grabbed some cookies and ate them in the nursery. I kept a continual watch on Ash. I went through my day, finding myself feeling a little alone even though Betty was right there, and feeling really irritable. I had snapped at Betty and Jellybean both and when thinking back on it they didn't deserve it. I found myself continually eating during the day as well, I just couldn't get full, I was still eating as if I was pregnant. For supper Dad had picked up food from Pops. Ash's bassinet was in our room by our bed, the doctor recommended it, said it reduced the chance of SID by 50%. She didn't sleep in our bed, because I didn't want to chance crushing her, and no blankets or stuff animals where in the crib with her, I had made sure to put her in a thick onesie so she wouldn't get cold. I was so exhausted, but I wasn't able to sleep. The baby only seemed to cry every hour to two hours. I got up with her every single time. Betty didn't even seem to stir. I cried a few times while dealing with her, it was scary I couldn't completely protect her anymore. She still needed me, but I wasn't her incubator anymore, she was now holdable and I was responsible for her and her actions. She woke up Dad once and he walked in on me in the middle of silently crying. "You good boy?" He asked me. I managed the best fake smile I could," I'm fine," I tell him. He nods and walks off, as soon as he turns his back I start frowning again. I wasn't alone, but I felt so alone and I was so scared, but I didn't want to tell anyone I felt this way. I should be happy she's finally here, and I'm her Dad. It's just scary that she needs me for almost everything. She wants me to hold her, she needs me to eat, she needs me to make sure she's safe. I had fallen asleep due to pure exhaustion at about 5 in morning, so Betty woke up to Ash crying. When I woke up Ash wasn't in her crib and Betty wasn't in the bed so I knew she had to be downstairs or in the nursery. I found them downstairs, Ash was fussing so I was given Ash to feed. I was looking at her face, she had scratch marks. I started struggling to breathe, we hadn't bought her any gloves and she was scratching her face. Tears started running down my face," What's wrong?" Betty asked. "We didn't get her any gloves and now she has scratch marks on her face," I said with my voice cracking. Betty ran upstairs and came back down with a pair of them," We were gifted these at the baby shower." I nodded as Betty carefully slipped them on. Dad walked down," Jug you look awful," he tells me. I give him a look and pass Ash to Betty to burp her. "I just couldn't sleep." "Why, she didn't cry last night at all." I looked up at her," Yes she did, almost ever hour or every other hour." "Why didn't you wake me?" "It wasn't like I was sleeping any," I said placing my head on the table. I yawned and ate breakfast. "Jughead, you can go sleep and I'll watch Ash." I didn't really want to, but I needed to. "Yeah okay, but I've got to pump first, and she needs to stay in the room with me. She brought Ash upstairs. I had myself propped, and a pillow on my lap so I didn't have to hold the pump. Betty sat by me, and we laid Ash on the bed in between us. We watched some tv, and after 30 minutes of pumping I was done. Betty grabbed everything and went to go freeze it, Ash started fussing, so I fed her. When I was done Betty took her and layed her in her crib and I tried to lay down for a little bit, struggling to fight my hunger and anxiety.