Worth the Risk

Chapter six

Three years ago

I let my body sink into the couch next to Lucie. "I just met a guy." I absently state as I try to wrap my head around the moment I just had with a total stranger. A deliciously hot stranger. Good gracious, he is one phenomenal accumulation of cells.

I even flirted. Me. I flirted with a guy and I liked it. I like him. Or at least the small amount of time we spent together in the kitchen. I like that he almost kissed me. What I don't particularly like is the 'almost' in that sentence.

A gasp next to my ear snaps me out of my thoughts back into reality and I turn my head to meet Lucie whose expression is reflecting the excitement bubbling inside my chest.

"Who is the lucky one? Is it Matt? Jackson? Daniel? I bet it's Daniel, he's such a cutie. People say he has a heart of gold," she starts to babble. "Plus, he looks ravishing on the field, keeping all the balls out of the goal. Not as sexy as Colin, but still cute." My ears prick up at the sound of the name that became familiar about half an hour ago.

"Colin who?" I ask so she'd clarify if the handsome ex-stranger is the same guy she's talking about.

"You don't know Colin?" Uhm, not if you don't specify which Colin we're talking about.

"Have you never attended a soccer game in the two months you've been here?" She asks surprised.

"I have not." Once I notice a puzzled expression forming on her face, I quickly continue, feeling the need to justify myself. "I've been really busy lately, unboxing and working at the theater and stuff like that." An understanding smile grows on her face and I'm thankful the conversation didn't spiral down to the real reason why I haven't been to a soccer game or any sports game for that matter. I'd be mortified if I'd had to admit I was avoiding them. Can you imagine how it would sound if I'd say I didn't want to be friends with them at first? Or how pathetic it would sound if I'd tell them the reason for that is that I'm scared to care. To feel. To cherish someone. And to lose it again once I move.

I've been there. I've done that. It hurt and I don't want to hurt.

"Well, next year I'm going to drag you to every soccer game because my heart hurt the second you told me you missed out on all the cute boys sweating their even cuter butts off." I chuckle at the concerned tone in her voice. "It's even better when it rains." She sighs resting her head against my shoulder, dazed as if the picture of drenched soccer players is displayed before her eyes. I let her dream. I let the moment settle between us as I let myself dream about the possibility of a type of friendship I've secretly been longing for.

Because I've been scared but that doesn't mean I never wanted something she and Brooklyn have. That's why I'm here in the first place. Because the moment I decided to attend this party, I decided to put my fear aside. I decided to believe my parent's word that we wouldn't move. That I could settle down and form friendships. Have a home instead of a house. I decided to lower my guard and let them in. Until this exact moment, the one where Lucie includes me in her next year's plans, I hadn't fully realized how badly I'd been missing this.