August & Colin | WRU series | book 1
We take risks. We make mistakes. We lie. We love. We hurt. We lose total control.
I took a risk. I paid the price.
I made a mistake. I felt the guilt.
I lied. I lie.
I loved. I try not to.
I hurt. I still do.
...
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"So." I spin my office chair around to find Daniel leaning against my doorframe. "Anything you want to tell me?"
Confusion must be plastered all over my face because it doesn't take him long to specify what he wants to know. "August was here." He pushes himself off the doorframe and plops down on my bed.
August. Right.
I rest my elbows on my knees and my chin in the palms of my hands as I wait for him to continue the debriefing of his observation. "And not just for five minutes."
August came by to drop off my shirt. An act that should've taken her 5 minutes. Yet 5 minutes are never 5 minutes with her.
We ended up talking for three hours before she announced she had to leave.
"That's a solid observation," I state as neutral as possible. Daniel hums, nodding in acknowledgment. He knows there is more to the story yet he doesn't ask. He lets me sit in silence, reminiscing on my words.
For a few seconds, I debate whether I want to tell him or not. Not because I don't trust him but because telling someone makes it real. Telling someone makes the memories not just memories but part of reality. And I'm not sure if I want to admit how that reality makes me feel. However, maybe talking will create some structure in the chaos of the confusing thoughts roaming my mind.
I sigh, adverting my eyes to the ground. "We fooled around at the party Friday."
"Ah, there it is."
I shake my head in an attempt to wipe away the assumptions running through his head. "We were drunk, it didn't mean anything."
"Are those her words or yours?" That's a good fucking question. To be honest, I wish they were mine. I wish I could say it didn't mean anything to me. That it was in fact a stupid drunken kiss that I could easily forget about. But the reality is that my mind isn't granting me those wishes. It's not giving me the ability to read her mind instead of guessing the meaning behind all the contradictions.
One moment I'm not worth remembering, then another she wants me to not regret our kiss.
One moment I should forget all about her, then another she shows up at my house when she just as well could've given me the shirt tomorrow after our shift together.
"She ran away so I'm pretty sure those are her words."
"That was three years ago. A lot can change in three years." I snort as his hopeful words sink into my brain.
"Yeah well, an awful lot can stay the same too." My tone is harsh and curt even though he's not the one my irritation is directed at. Whether he realizes that or not he stays calm rather than get offended by my snapping at him.
"Explain." His humble voice slowly soothes away the exasperation bottling up inside of me.
"Lucie interrupted us and it was pretty clear August didn't want her to know. Then she told me to forget all about it before running off." A sigh rolls off my lips before I pronounce the part that might be bothering me the most. "I don't think she ever told them, Dan. She sure as hell never told my sister otherwise she would've said something." The fact she never told them makes me feel like a dirty little secret. I've been it once and I know how that storyline ends. I also know I don't want to end up in that position again, where I make her feel she has to choose and where she makes me feel like I'm not worth taking a risk for.
