Unheard Words

Untitled Part 20

Last year in the span of 6 months, I got into three car accidents. It was scary and exhausting, I am a paranoid driver ever since because of it, it was two rear ends (not my fault, they rear ended me) and a t-bone, again not our fault, though I was the passenger so it didn't really matter to me either way. The reason I am saying this is it was a lot, especially because the first two were within two weeks of each other, emotionally, physically. I was tired and all I did was want to sleep. These last two months have been worse then those three car accidents.

My grandma had dementia for a few years now, progressively getting worse to the point she wouldn't talk, if we went and saw her she looked somewhat confused. Maybe because she knew who we were, but also not really because we looked different, older. She was in an assisted living place, and they loved her there. When we visited they would tell us how she was sassy, just like we knew her to be. She was a sassy old lady. But then she got worse, she wouldn't talk, she could barely move, she wasn't eating; they took her to hospice and my mom told me. However I don't think I understood how extreme of a thing that meant, I mean I knew it was bad, I knew what it entailed but it happened faster then I thought. I came home from a fun day and my mom came up to me. "lala died today." I was expecting it, but it was hard for me to actually hear it you know? 

The funeral was hard, my sister came up from Virginia to be here with us and we all just, celebrated her life. I've been learning how to crochet and we all played penny enny, a game she would always play with us as kids and as hard as it was; life moved on.

I went to Romania, finally, in July. I got back a week ago actually and I have been just trying to get back into the swing of things here. My boyfriend had a party at his house the Saturday after getting back from Romania to celebrate his twenty-first birthday with his friends and family here in the states. We celebrated on his actual birthday in Romania, so he had a lot of catching up to do with people here. The party went well, we all got drunk. It was fun, then we went to bed. I woke up the next morning and we lounged in bed and had plans to go get breakfast. He leaves the room and I get a call from my brother, which is slightly strange. In the background you can hear something wailing, a dog I can make out.  He tells me to come home, I ask why, he tells me I just need to come home. I know why, I know it's Tasha. Part of me is worried it is my parents but I know it's Tasha, yesterday she fell, she got upstairs and couldn't get back down. 

I get in my car, shaking. My boyfriend reassures me that everything is gonna be okay, no matter what happens I can always call him and he will help me. I have a very shaky ride home, half expecting to see ambulances outside my house but not. I get out of my car and walk up to the door and my brother is standing there. "Tasha has just had her 4th seizure since last night." Okay. I walk inside and she's on the floor panting, looking dazed. I pet her, she gets up and walks in a circle around the house, she seems, okay. "Huskies are prone to seizures, so this might be nothing." She went on to have another 17 that day until we could take her to the vet. They examined her, told us it was epilepsy and she could go home just let the meds do their thing but they didn't and she had to go to a hospital. An MRI was too expensive and that was the only other test we could run to determine what was wrong. They finally got the seizures to stop on Wednesday. I was at work, and I knew when I got home my parents were going to tell me that we had to put her down, I knew it. But part of me was really hoping that I would come home to her being home. I came home, I walked into the kitchen and I looked at my dad who just started crying. They finally got the seizures to stop, but she couldn't walk anymore. She was paralyzed. What kind of life can a dog live when their paralyzed? Not a good one, and we weren't going to put her through anymore pain. She had a brain tumor and it had just progressed too far, too fast. 

She isn't in pain anymore, but coming home and hearing that just, really sucked.  I just got back from a fun vacation and now I lost a dog? The bright side is I came back and had her for a day and a half. I had just Tasha, that sassy princess who brightened my day. I didn't come home to find out she had went through this, I went through this with her which, made me happy in a sense.  I'm worried about my other dog but he seems okay, he was looking for her, still does sometimes. When he howls at the fire trucks it breaks my heart because I should be hearing her howl with him, but she is in a better place. 

In the midst of all this I find out that my aunt had been diagnosed with breast cancer while I was in Romania, they didn't tell me while I was there because there was nothing I could do about it but the good news is she is okay. It was caught so early on they can't even feel it. It is genetic, which is good because her mother (my grandma) died of breast cancer so this is likely benign. In terms of cancer she got the best possible outcome, caught so early it is treatable and curable and it isn't actually cancer, just a mass really. It is just a lot to take in. 

In the span of not even two months, my grandma died, my dog died and my aunt has to get surgery. The brightside is now those two aren't in anymore pain and my aunt has very good circumstances. Personally I am okay, me and my boyfriend are good I have some really amazing friends. It is just tiring.