Unheard Words

Things

There is a lot of confusion in life, whether you are taking the right steps, doing things correctly choosing the right places and people to be friends with. There is just a lot of unknowns, a lot of confusion and somethings you are going to take the wrong step or path in life. I know I certainly have taken the wrong path, made stupid decisions and had to face the consequences. It happens to everyone, unfortunately no one chooses the correct path all the time. The thing that really takes the cake about life is that you don't always know when you are taking the wrong path. You can walk down the road you think is best for you, one that you have complete confidence in and still let it turn out wrong. Friendships, relationships, work and school choices often turn out to be wrong even when they feel right. Right now things feel right, so I hope they don't turn out wrong. 

I started working where I am at almost a year ago, it was supposed to be a job to get me out of working where I was previously (it was a really bad position) and then one to move on from when finding something better. Turns out, that working where I am now has been a much better opportunity. I was given a promotion and then offered another one that I unfortunately had to turn down, but this job feels right. It works that way sometimes too, when you are unsure of if things are right or not and there is a hesitancy; when there's a heaviness that seems to be holding you back. Then you do it, and it works, and it continues to keep working until you realize that the decision that was made was one that was for the better. I'm happy where I am now, I do have some really stressful days but I don't wake up with an anxious feeling because I simply have to go into work. I'm not getting only 10 hours a week just because and I'm no longer being put into uncomfortable situations where people take advantage of me. I like where I am, even when I didn't expect to enjoy it as much as I have. 

I started a new school. A few weeks ago actually and so I'm still not sure if it is the right fit for me, but so far I am really enjoying myself. So far I have questioned if it is really the right choice for me, because it is about an hour away so driving to school in the morning can take up to an hour and a half and I am at school all day, but the teachers are great and the campus is beautiful. But what is the right choice? I could have went somewhere closer, I could have went somewhere that was probably better for myself and the program I am in. I choose to go there, to follow through on this and me and my boyfriend are actually supposed to be moving up closer, we just have to figure it out. 

I reconnected with some old friends again, and I'm happy about it because they have always been some really good friends to the both of us. It has been a lot of fun lately, and because of them we meet some really good people as well. Our little friend group has expanded even more, funny enough it reminds me of an old friend group we used to be apart of and the people that are in it connect us to the people from the old group we no longer talk to. It brings back this weird feeling from the past that I didn't really think I'd feel again but it isn't necessarily bad I am just proceeding with caution. These people are good company, and I really hope it doesn't backfire because it does a lot with me. I think I have some really good friends then all of a sudden they leave me and hurt me and nothing seems to be going right. It sucks, and I really don't know how this is going to go. It's kind of like the school thing, it turned out well with the job, and we will see where it goes with the school and the friends.

My relationship is my family is like it has always been, me and my brother are cool, me and my sister are somewhat best friends, me and the guy who lives here are best friends, I am very close to my father and me and my mom don't always get along. Things are good tho, I do want to move out but not because it is unbearable to live here, it isn't all that bad I just want to move out and be on my own. Like my sister in law told me "it's sometimes easier to love people from a distance" and I think I agree with that. I think once I move out it will be very hard, because I am a home body, but I think it will be better for me to not be in the situation I am in. At least the house doesn't drown me in the stench of weed. 

My relationship, is good. Right now it is really good and who knows just like life we go up and down so this could just be an up but we have been going up and hopefully I don't jinx this. My boyfriend isn't superstitious until it comes to me, saying I jinx everything (not seriously of course he always laughs when he says it). But we have been good and that feeling is just. Good. Sometimes I feel too strongly, too much, and I get in a daze almost of just happy. As this isn't necessarily bad I do miss out on certain signs and stuff and I just want to make sure this is a good path for us, I love him and I want to continue loving him. I feel good and I want this to keep feeling good.
Things are okay right now. Life isn't imploding, I'm happy and okay and in love. What more can I ask for then for it to just stay good? I hope it stays good