DESK LETTERS | JAENO

[twelve]

[chapter twelve]

THE next day came sooner than Jeno wanted it to, and he woke up feeling sick almost. Getting out bed, he got lightheaded a bit, and stood beside his head for a while. Once he felt fine, he walked to change. Getting changed he thought about Jaemin.

What was he going to say to him? That they can't hang out anymore because Jeno had problems he couldn't get rid of? Jeno hated letting down his guard, but it could be the only way to get rid of the other. Not that he wanted to, he had to. Or else he'd become attached, and clingy.

He shook it off as he walked to his bathroom, brushing his teeth he looked in he mirror. Jeno stares at himself. The bags under his eyes, the blonde faded hair, the light peach skin color, and his high cheekbones, He didn't like himself at all. Sometimes he wished to wake up as another person, who was breathtaking handsome, nice, outgoing, and self collected.

Jeno knew he was daydreaming and hoping for too much, he couldn't help himself though. He would think of the advantages he'd have if he had nice parents, siblings, a job, and a better house.

Jeno snaps out of his trance, realizing he was babbling in his mind. He spits out the toothpaste, and rinses. He then tries to get his bed head under control, but gives up not a moment later. It wasn't like anyone would care anyway.

He grabs his bag, and throws it over his shoulder. Opening his window, he jumps out into the brisk air. Now walking to school, Jeno gets nervous. Jaemin expects to hang out after school today, and he doesn't know how to reject. He can't just leave Jaemin, he has to let him off easy.

The only problem is, Jeno doesn't know how.

Jeno's nerves are on the very edge, and he's been trying to calm himself down for the past class hour. It was only third hour, and Jeno couldn't focus at all.

School was ending soon, and then summer break will start up. He didn't have any plans for it though, so he didn't feel excited about it as much as others did. No friends to hang out with, no vacations, no late night FaceTimes, it was everything he didn't have.

It was until this Friday before graduation, and Jeno planned on not going already. Nobody would be there to watch him graduate anyway, nobody would be proud. What's the point. He also didn't have money for college, a house, and other things he needed as a adult. He would be a failure in life, and he already knew it.

That's why he's in class now, not paying attention like everyone else. The teacher had already given up, but a video still played. Jeno was half asleep until the lunch bell rang, and people scurried out of the room to get to their friends or next class. Jeno slowly got up, following everyone out.

Jeno walked to his locker, and opened it as he put all his books away. It was lunch time, and he looked over to see friends gather up in groups to walk to lunch together. He watched as they laughed and giggled with one another. He also watched as they walked away, side by side in a group.

Friends. The one thing he wished for his whole life, and never had.

Jeno shook his head to erase the thought, and closed his locker. He only jumped in surprise as Jaemin was standing right there, leaning on the locker beside his.

"Hey Jeno." Jaemin says with a smile.

"Jaemin, how long have you been standing there?" Jeno asks.