Forbidden love (harry fan fic)

chapter 17

Over 3000K reads??? I'm so happy and thankful anyways I know it's been years since I updated the last time and I'm so sorry but I just didn't feel like writing something but now I've gotten over it and here is the new chapter :) and before you start to read a really good friend of mine @LauraFelicis is translating Circus( harry fan fic) into german and I'd be so thankful and happy if u could check it out ;) you won't regret :) ( to all people who can speak german ) now enjoy chapter 17 ;)

MAYAS POV

"You're sure that you're okay?" We enter the kitchen and the first thing that catches my eye is the huge table in the middle of the room. I've seen it so many times already but the size of it gets me every time I enter this exaggered big kitchen which is comparable to our living room. James who was walking infront of me sits down at the table and looks up at me as he notices that I am still standing there not planning to do anything.

"You don't want to sit down?" his voice is being used carefully because of my mood swings I guess.

Without saying anything I walk to the table as he did and sit down but turn my head immediatley to the window just to see the darkness of the night which was comparable to the one I feel inside of me with one exception that would be the sun which would rise and let the darkness outside go away which I don't have. I could have said James but him as sun would not suffice to beat the darkness.

"Maya?" I hear James's voice that snaps me out of my thoughts. As I look at him his eyes full of concern and sadness are the first thing I notice and which brings me to reality.

"I'm sorry." I say, my voice shaky and weak.

"Maya what's happening to us?" he says and the way he does makes me look up immediatley. This one sentence includes so many feelings that I don't know what to say or do.

What is happening to us? What happened to the perfect couple according to others sayings? Where did the happiness and the love I felt every time I saw James go to? How did we end up here? Thinking about it shows me how much our relationship has changed compared to the one we had before the thing happened with Harry. What am I doing? I should be thankful to have found someone like James and try to do everything to keep him with me but I am pushing him away and didn't see that I am about to loose him.

"I don't know." is all I can bring out. He doesn't answer. The atmosphere seems to be quiet and calm as we just were sitting in the kitchen looking at each other but I've had these kinds of atmospheres and I know something is about to happen.

"Neither do I" he says and stands up and walks around the table to let himself onto his knees infront of me. I look down at him.

"Maya I can't handle it anymore. I can feel there is something. Our relationship to each other has changed. I can't talk to you without causing a fight which makes it even worse. Every time I look at you I see nothing but sadness and worries. What happened to the Maya who smiled every time she saw me and made me smile too? What happened to the hours in which we talked, laughed and did nothing but just have fun?"

A tear is falling down his cheek. What I have done so far has put us in this situation. Why didn't I just forget everything after the kiss and continue my life like nothing had happened? Seeing him like this and noticing the situation we are in makes me feel weaker than I already am. Before I can hold them back, tears are escaping my eyes and running down my face.

"What are we going to do?" I ask him quietly and myself as well. What am I going to do? What will happen? My heart is pounding so loudly against my chest as I was about to write a test and was excited and terrified. 

"I just want everything to be as it was before." he  says, stands up, turns around and goes through his hair like Harry does every time he gets nervous.

"Me too." I whispher and he turns around immediatley.

"Why don't we do it then? Let's continue our relationship like nothing happened." he says and looks at me as he was waiting for me to agree with him. I look at him as well and can see the energy in his eyes I don't know where it has come from. 

"James I.." I am about to say but get interrupted by him pressing his finger onto my mouth.

"Don't think. Listen to your heart. What do you want at this moment? " he asks me and looks straight into my eyes.

What do I want? I close my eyes and as he said try to listen to my heart and the first thing that pops up in my mind is...

Harry.

His green eyes that make me feel weak and melty. His smile that makes me smile too.

But there is something else. Harry's face vanishes and James face replaces his place and all the feelings I feel for James come back so I open my eyes and see him standing in front of me.

It's him.

"I want you. " I say and see him smiling immediately.

He hugs me and the warmth of his body feels so good that I could do this forever.

"I love you." I say and mean it.