Solace In The Silence ✓✓

chapter 28

WHEN I WOKE up the next morning, Jake was gone.
The side of the bed he'd slept in was empty, and the apartment was filled with a heavy, stretching silence, almost like last night had already started to fade into a distant memory.

My mind zoomed back to the moment I told Jake I loved him, recalling the catch in his breath, the way his eyes had left mine for a second. But before I'd been able to latch onto the nagging fear I'd felt, he'd wrapped his arms around me, held me like he didn't want to let go. We'd fallen asleep with our bodies curled together, our limbs tangled, like two climbing vines that were growing together. Like two people who were well within reach of second chances and something better.
And actions spoke louder than words, didn't they? I needed to focus on that—on all the times he'd shown me that he wasn't going anywhere. I needed to not make a big deal out of this.
But still, my body betrayed me, a sickening feeling filling my belly.

Damn it. It was so much easier said than done. It was hard to make those insecurities disappear when they were never far beneath the surface.
I wandered into the kitchen, the frazzled wires in my brain desperately trying to come up with some explanation. Maybe Jake had gone back to Kelly's house to try and find my necklace? Maybe he'd gone to get us breakfast? Maybe he had an early class this morning?

Old fears skittered down my spine. As much as I wished I could convince myself otherwise, I knew Jake's schedule by now, and like me, his first class wasn't until noon today.
I brewed myself a quick cup of coffee, needing my caffeine fix, and drank it while it was still scalding, hoping that maybe it would cauterize my gut.
Rinsing the cup under the faucet, I dropped it into the sink and told myself to just accept the facts.
Jake wasn't here.
And there was a good chance I'd scared him off, given our track record.

I think, deep down, I'd always had this feeling that I was on borrowed time with him, so in some twisted way, it made sense. My emotions drained away, leaving only logic behind, and I knew, again, I'd ignored the warning signs—all the alarm bells that had wailed in my head. I hadn't believed that the history between us was something I should've learned from.

As much as I might have been drawing conclusions and being totally irrational, the dread still formed, snaking through me. The thought of losing Jake, the idea that I'd pushed him away by telling him how I felt... it made me panic.

I'd never let someone in as far as I'd let him. He'd broken through my emotional walls when my brother had died. He'd rescued me from the darkness when I'd been expecting to stay there forever.

I loved Jake with everything I had, and maybe that should've terrified me, but there was no bargaining with my heart. I'd loved him for my entire life, and I knew I'd love him for the remainder of it, but he'd actually left. And not only that, he hadn't even sent me a text or left me a note. It was like last night had never happened.

When I heard the faraway sound of my phone ringing, I blinked in an effort to snap to. Trekking back into Jake's bedroom, I picked it up off the nightstand to find that it was an unregistered number calling.
I shouldn't have been nervous or sick with concern, but I was. For some reason, my stomach dropped, tensing, and I forced myself to answer the call before it jumped over to voicemail.
"Hello?" I said, choking back the lump in my throat.

"Hi, is this Miss Bess?" An oddly familiar voice replied, and I was surprised I could even hear it over the roaring in my ears. "It's Officer Lampard down at the County Police Department. I'm calling in regards to your complaint about Joe."
I automatically clutched my phone tighter, holding onto it with a vice-like grip. "Yes, this is she. Is everything okay?"
"I'm afraid I have some bad news," she told me after a couple of beats, and I inhaled, sitting down on the corner of Jake's bed before my knees could give out.
It was like I knew exactly what she was going to say before she'd even said it, and I steeled myself to get this over with.