Solace In The Silence ✓✓

chapter 39

The following evening I was discharged from the hospital with an astronomical health care bill and a plethora of pain medication in tow.
Per the doctor's suggestions, I wasn't driving myself home, either. Jake was.
My parents had been ready to cart me off to Hall Hill until Jake had insisted on giving me a lift home. He was heading in that direction, too. The closing date on his family house was tomorrow, and he still had some loose ends to tie up with the new buyers.
We hadn't spoken since Gery's impromptu visit last night, and I was feeling about ten levels of awkward. I still had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to say to him now. I'm sorry for doubting you? I shouldn't have let you let me go? I shouldn't have made it so easy for you to say goodbye?
None of that was okay. None of that could erase what had happened.
I'd had so many questions for so long, and now, for the first time, it felt like I had the upper hand. I knew that some of Jake's answers had the potential to shred me apart—a window for him to see through all of my pretenses—and I needed to make a choice. Did I want him to tell me everything he'd been keeping to himself? Could I fight for us any more than I already had?

"You all set?" Jake asked, his voice coming from behind me. He stooped down to pick up the small bag I'd neatly packed the day before, drawing my attention away from the empty hospital bed.
"Yeah," I whispered, turning around to face him.
I had no right really, not anymore, but my heart still hammered against my ribs. Every time I saw him, it was the same reaction. My pulse jackknifed against my throat, and my knees went soft.

Jake was waiting patiently by the door, my tote bag slung haphazardly over his shoulder. He was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and they were slightly rumpled, having been slept in. I wasn't sure how it was humanly possible, but even after a week of disrupted sleep, of operating on unhealthy doses of caffeine, Jake was even more gorgeous. He was handsome, in a freak of nature kind of way.

His blue-gray eyes settled on mine, searching. When the wary look faded from them, he nodded, and we headed down the narrow hallway.
After I'd thanked the nurses for all they'd done to assist my recovery, we slowly made tracks toward the hospital parking lot. Not entirely recovered from Joe's brutal assault, I was still pretty weak, and my legs felt like they had no strength left in them. It didn't help that I'd been bed-ridden for the better part of fall break.
The sun had set, and the air was cold, hinting at a fast-approaching winter. Thunderclouds rolled in low, their bellies full of rain, but it was so nice to finally be outside again, to feel the wind on my clammy skin.

Jake's Chevy was a mission to climb into at the best of times, and I had to suppress a smile when he followed me around to the passenger side. He intuitively placed his hands on either side of my hips, and in one smooth motion, he hoisted me up into his truck. His hand lingered, fingers splayed at my waist, and he didn't step back immediately.
Every cell in my body was hyperaware of his proximity. The warmth from his touch spread through me, thawing the perennial chill that had seeped in, melting the layer of ice that had encased my heart.
"Thank you again, for this," I murmured, staying there a moment longer, "and for everything else you've done for me."
His head lowered gently, resting on top of mine, and he breathed into my hair. "You're welcome."

When Jake held me like this, like I was breakable, it dredged awful memories to the surface. Memories of how close Joe had been to breaking me beyond repair. There was nothing to mitigate the pain I still felt, the hollow ache that was always there. It sank deeper inside me, where no healing agent could reach.
Shivering, I tried not to get sucked back into that night, into reliving the fear.

"Come on," Jake spoke softly, his voice easing into the stretch of silence. He moved away, and I glimpsed an ocean of sadness in his eyes. "We should get going. We've got a long journey ahead."
The newfound intimacy diminished as he put more distance between us, and we were suddenly worlds apart again. There had always been this intense pull for us to come together, but for some reason, we just couldn't get it right, like ships passing in the night.
With time, we'd become experts at this.