Solace In The Silence ✓✓

chapter 29

"I-I have to go," I managed to get out. Reaching for my pencil case, I was trembling so badly that I nearly knocked over Vicky's can of coke.
"Whoa." She rose to her feet. "What's wrong, Bess? You're scaring me."

I stumbled back, holding a hand out to ward her off. "It's fine. I'm fine," I lied to her, clinging to my last shred of composure. "I just can't be here anymore. I have to go. I'm sorry, I'll see you on Monday, 'kay?"
There was no response, and before I could question what I was doing, I snatched the piece of paper back and pivoted on my heel. I didn't miss the WTF look that Mark and Vicky exchanged, but by that stage, I was beyond caring.
As the fog cleared, I jetted into action mode, making a beeline for the automatic sliding doors.

This was beyond anything I'd ever imagined. Joe was messing with me like I was a chew toy, and I couldn't keep pretending that I wasn't a sitting duck if I kept coming back to UFA.
Stepping outside, I moved almost mechanically as I exited the library, my legs maintaining their fast-paced strides.

I'm going to drive to the police station and show officer Lampard the hand-written note, I told myself. It's all going to be okay.
A cold gust of wind picked up, making me shudder as I made my way across campus toward the parking lot. Inhaling shallowly, the air smelled of damp earth and incoming rain.

I yanked my hoodie up and tucked some wayward strands of dark hair behind my ear, ignoring the unease that continued to unfurl in my belly. It was the same feeling I'd had the day Joe had been watching me across the quad, and the back of my neck prickled at the prospect that he was watching me again, now. I could practically envision the sick, perverted smile that would be lifting his lips as he stood somewhere in the shadows, knowing he'd scared the crap out of me.

Correction. I was fucking petrified, but the closer I got to my car, the less it felt like I was being followed.
And then it occurred to me that maybe it had less to do with an avenue of escape and more to do with the fact that the parking lot wasn't deserted like it generally was at this time of day.
Up ahead, my gaze zeroed in on Jake, leaning against his Chevy.
Thank the good Lord.
Despite how pissed off I still was, my first instinct was to run over to him, to catch him up on everything that had happened since this morning, to have him hold me. There were no monsters when he was around.

My heartbeat and breathing were still erratic, but as I neared him, it was as though this eerie, dead calm washed over me. He was still here, and he hadn't left me like Elvis had—without warning, and more importantly, without a goodbye.
But as I crossed the distance, I realized he'd been crying, and Gery was with him. Comforting him.
The call from Officer Lampard and the note from Joe immediately took a back seat.

Jake was clearly tackling his own horde of demons.
Gery's hand was clasped firmly on his shoulder as he spoke low, consolingly. It was like I'd walked into the middle of a conversation I wasn't supposed to know about.
As if sensing my presence, Jake glanced over in my direction, and he seemed momentarily frozen, like he hadn't expected to see me here, which was stupid considering if I wasn't about to leave, we would've had class together now.

When his unsettled eyes latched onto mine, my heart turned to stone, plummeted, and crumbled at my feet.
It was the first time I'd seen him since last night, and he already looked different somehow, like he'd fought a storm overnight and instead of finding shelter with me, he'd fled to hold his own.
An awkward silence fell, broken by Gery. "All right, man. I'll catch up with you inside," he announced, drawing back slowly and dropping his hand.
Normally, I'd be making a wisecrack about their blossoming bromance, but my uncanny ability to make light of situations had up and vanished.

Instead, I just felt the crushing weight of Jake's stare, and the ache deep in my bones, like I was barely able to move under it.
Probably because I knew something serious had gone down and I was barely approaching the threshold.
Gery pushed off the hood of Jake's truck, and when he brushed past me, he hesitated. "Go easy on him. He's had a rough morning." His dark blue eyes met mine briefly, and my mind scrambled to identify what they were brimming with. Guilt? Sympathy? I didn't know.

I acquiesced with a jerky nod. Mashing my lips together into a thin line, I attempted to keep my face stoic and from betraying what I was feeling beneath the surface. Like the ocean, a current whirled inside me, stirring my thoughts until they were an incoherent chaos.
Before it became uncomfortable, I said, "What's wrong, Jake? What's going on? I woke up this morning and you were—"
"I know," he interrupted, wincing almost imperceptibly.
When he didn't say anything else and simply watched me like he couldn't decide whether he should get the hell out of here or if he should help me understand, I asked, again, "Are you okay?"

Gery was out of earshot now—we were completely alone—and Jake's goddamn guard was back, locking me out like he had for all those years. Disappointment chiseled away at me. I'd thought we were finally past that, but it was like he'd done a total one-eighty, and something had thrown him off course.
He cracked his knuckles and looked away. "Yeah. I went for a drive."
"A drive?" I echoed, frowning.
We locked gazes for a long moment, and Jake's eyes were swimming in despair and regret and a million other things I couldn't quite put my finger on. "I didn't sleep much last night, and I... I needed to clear my head, you know? I didn't think about where I was going, I just drove," he answered hoarsely, pulling his beanie down further over his ears.

The wind whistled between our bodies and the gap had never seemed so far to bridge.
"Has this got something to do with your mom?"
He shook his head, and I let out a quiet sigh of relief.
"Well, that's good to hear. I'm glad she's okay."
Silence. Horrible, nerve-wracking silence.
"Does it have anything to do with what I said last night?" I whispered, the question bubbling up out of nowhere. Any chance of pretending I was indifferent to his reaction was shattered by both the chill that his words created in me and the way my heart felt like it was screaming in soundless agony.
More awkward silence ticked between us, and when he didn't deny it, I just knew .
I couldn't explain it, but I think I'd known since the moment I told him I loved him that everything would change, that I'd be forced to see this relationship for what it truly was.

Almost like a kaleidoscope had finally stopped disarranging the picture of us together long enough for me to get a glimpse.
The sad truth was, I was only ever going to be the girl who blindly loved a boy. Worse yet, the girl who believed she could love a boy enough for the both of them.
But it was never really going to be enough... not unless he was willing to fall with me. Not unless he was willing to make good on his promises—all the times he'd reassured me that he wanted to be with me, that I meant everything to him.

Anger smoked its way through me, but I wrangled it back, waiting until I'd at least heard whatever it was Jake looked like he was about to say.
After what felt like an eternity, he finally said, "I can't... I can't do this anymore, Bess."
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