11: "Are you trying to torture me?"

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I wake up with a nearly silent gasp at the memory, my body struggling to get off the bed and towards the bathroom. Tears stream down my face in the darkness of the room, not recognizing anything and realizing that there's another body holding me down.

"Hey, shh it's just me." A voice whispers near my ear, their breath making goosebumps raise on my skin.

Not immediately recognizing the voice, I flail my arms and legs as much as I can to try and get away, but to no avail. A sob escapes my lips before a lamp is being turned on and I'm staring at worried brown eyes looking down at me. I freeze and keep my eyes on him, my chest heaving as I gasp for breath.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asks softly, his thumbs wiping the tears away.

"B-bad dream." I manage through my heavy breathing.

"Do you get them often?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry."

"It's okay. I'll always be here." He says with a soft smile, kissing my forehead before settling down beside me.

"Did I say anything?" I ask him, biting my lip in worry.

"I don't know, I was sleeping until you tried to get off the bed." He says groggily, rubbing his eyes gently.

"I'm sorry I woke you, go back to sleep."

"What about you?"

"I feel sticky, I need a shower." I tell him, gently detangling myself from his embrace.

"Need any help?" He asks slyly, giving my body a once over while licking his lips.

I shake my head with a chuckle and a roll of my eyes, turning the lamp off before sluggishly making my way into the ensuite. I strip and turn on the shower, feeling it until it's at the desired temperature before getting in with a deep sigh. I stand with my back to the shower head, letting the water run down my back and over my shoulders. I let my head hang, my hair tickling my forehead as it gets wet and hangs limply onto my face.

My eyes begin to water as the memories come back full force, forcing me to face every choice I've ever made.

He's going to hate me when he finds out, no 'ifs' or 'buts'. What if he rejects me? I shake in fear at the thought of losing my mate like that.

I clench my teeth to keep in the sob that desperately wants to leave my hurting chest, my hand coming up to cover my mouth as if that will somehow stifle the sounds. I take deep breaths, forcing myself to calm down so I don't alert the sleeping man in the other room. I shut my eyes and force the memories away, locking them away until I have to bring them back out.

After several minutes, I manage to stave off another full blown panic attack; I've had one too many for the day. I quickly soap myself and rinse off, drying myself and putting on a pair of pajamas that were in the linen closet, safely tucking my necklace under the shirt. I open the door slowly and turn off the light, tip toeing back to the bed and gently sliding back into my spot next to Tristan. I snuggle into his side and lay there until I feel myself falling back asleep.

"Are you okay?"

But of course it's never that easy.

"Yeah." I sigh.

"Dylan..." He trails off softly, and I know what he wants to say. Of course he wasn't sleeping while I was in the shower.

"I'm okay, I just get weird after a nightmare." I say, not completely lying to him.

"What can I do?"

"About what?"

"The nightmares."

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