Accept Me

18: "I'm ok. I guess."

I stare out the window as I bring another spoonful of soup towards my mouth. I blow on it lightly before swallowing and enjoying the warmth that temporarily spreads through my body. My eyes are unfocused as I continue eating my soup, the heat of the bowl barely noticeable as I let myself fall into my thoughts.

It's been a few weeks since the hospital incident, and not a day goes by that Tristan fails to try and see me. I've mentally and electronically blocked him, so he's forced to come to my house and try to talk to me. My parents have been good at keeping him out of the house, but he's become used to shouting at my window from the yard. The bond between us is barely there, my reactions to him have become less volatile. These days, I simply let him wear himself out until he swears to come back the next day. 

I feel empty.

I rarely leave my room, and when I do it's because I've been forced to and I usually throw a tantrum in order to go back home. I know it's not mature, but I don't feel like doing anything. The only bright side to my dreary days are my parents and Anastasia, who has become a staple in our little family.

"I wonder what he'll do today." She muses from my bed, carelessly flipping through a book. "I'm not sure how he can outdo himself from yesterday." 

"Are you on his side, or mine?" I ask with a weak glare.

"Yours." She says quickly. "But...I think you should hear him out."

"What?" I growl.

"From what I've gathered, your history is pretty complicated, and how he reacted was definitely not the way to go. But...he obviously feels bad since he's apologized every day for the past few weeks. I'm not saying you should forgive him, but I think you both deserve the closure hearing him out will grant you."

"How will that benefit me?"

"You'll get an explanation. I'm sure you've been wondering why he reacted the way he did."

"I know why."

"No you don't, not really, you're just assuming."

"You don't know anything." I snap at her.

"Maybe not. But I've been here long enough to see that you're suffering behind that wall you put up. I know that despite the bond being weak, you still feel something for him."

"No I don't."

"Dyl," she says softly, "you may not notice it, but you are hooked on every word that man says. Even though you try taking your eyes away from him, your gaze eventually stays stuck on him. And don't think I didn't see that smile you tried to hide yesterday."

I keep quiet at her words, grumpily sipping on my cooling soup. I let my eyes wander back to the treeline at the edge of our property, mindlessly replaying yesterday's events. 

~~~

I lay under my blanket, my eyes barely poking out as I watch Anastasia play on my television. Her intense focus on the game makes me smile a little, but the amount of effort that takes forces the smile away. 

We stay like that for a few hours before the sound of knocks on the door catch our attention. I don't sit up but focus on the voices coming from downstairs, my ears nearly twitching. We stay frozen as the voices become slightly louder before the door shuts forcefully, rattling the house. Normally that would indicate the end of things, but I've come to learn he won't let a closed door get in his way.

Anastasia pauses the game and gets off the bed, quickly making her way to the window and pulling the curtains aside. I scowl as the Sun filters in and brightens up the room, a complete contrast to my dark emotional state. She lets out a light gasp, making me shoot her a confused look before music begins to filter through my closed window.