Only Words Bleed

Wearing Myself Down

Violet's Pov:

I sit in my usual spot at lunch with my feet on the edge of my chair again and my notebook placed in my lap along with a few loose sheets of lined paper. I was the first one here since I was eager to continue what I'd started last night. I barely acknowledge my friend's presence when they show up, which they notice. I manage a short wave to Clem when she makes her way over, but that's it. I'm totally immersed in what I'm drawing and I guess I'm letting my emotions show more than I think because every time I switch pens I seem to slam them on the table quite angerly with an aggravated look which everyone picks up on.

"Everything okay, Vi?"

I actually look up because it's my girlfriend who says this and I feel my expression soften as I nod. I can feel everyone's eyes on me anyway as I recap my red pen and switch back to a pencil. This causes me to subconsciously grip my notebook tighter because I don't want anyone to see what's written.

"You sure everything's alright?" Louis asks from next to me.

Since I don't have any patience with Louis on good days I give a frustrated sigh as I nod, but Louis doesn't want to take no for an answer. "But..."

I quickly rip off the corner of a piece of paper and write down Everything's Fine. I shove it across the table towards him so he'll leave me alone.

The questions stop after that, but I'm lying, not only to my friends but to myself. Everything's not fine and they can clearly see this. I catch Clem's worried glance before I return back to writing and I feel guilty that I have to keep this from her, that I have to keep this from all of them. But I keep writing and I don't look back up until we have to leave.

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This continues on for three days and I can tell it's starting to alarm my friends. I've gone completely mute since everything happened which worries them. I won't talk in front of everyone when were at lunch, but when I'm one on one with someone like Louis or Sophie I tend to whisper little comments and sentences, but I won't even do that now and I think it's concerning them. I haven't whispered any other little words to Clem either and though I've never actually talked to her I can tell she senses something is wrong.

I don't think my lack of a voice is what's the most concerning though. It's hard for me to focus on the page in front of me as I try to record my inner thoughts. I have a slight headache and my eyes can't concentrate on the same line for more than a few minutes. The soreness that was in my side whenever I move has now graduated to a dull pain as well.

Our table is much quieter than it usually is and I can feel everyone's eyes on me but I can sense that their hesitant to say anything.

Finally, I hear Ruby speak up because I know she's concerned about my behavior. "Why don't you try and eat somethin' sug."

I shake my head to decline her offer and I know this upsets everyone. It's common for me to write throughout lunch, but I'll snack on something while I do it. Only problem is I haven't been doing this. Which wouldn't really be a problem if it wasn't for the fact that I haven't eaten anything in the last three days and my friends know this. It's practically written out on my face with how pale I've become. I know Ruby noticed right away.

I'm normally very light in color, but now I look like a ghost instead of someone who never steps outside. I'm actually outside all the time, but it's not my fault that I don't tan. Well, that, and I like to walk around at night.

I almost want to make a joke and say, Alright, who dumped the bleach on me? but I don't think my friends are in a laughing mood. Even Mitch and Louis are particularly quiet.