Only Words Bleed

You're My Medicine

A/N: Sorry I didn't get to update yesterday. I was working on a new chapter for Shaded In and posted that instead. So because of that, I'm posting this earlier than usual. :)

Violet's Pov:

I sat on my bed with my special journal sitting in my lap. It was close to ten-thirty, but that wasn't a major concern to me at the moment. I'd go to sleep later. I promised Clem I'd try to start sleeping at home again. Having Woody with me was helping, but I couldn't promise anything. Sometimes I would manage a few hours, but there were the nights where I'd just stare up at the ceiling in the dark so it was better if I just stayed up and wrote.

Tonight was different though, I wasn't sleeping because I was afraid, just the opposite actually. My mind was filled with thoughts of Clementine. Of all the things she's done for me. I know it doesn't seem like she's done that much, but to me it was different. Clem had truly been my light in the darkness. That wish I'd been hoping for in the stars. She was my everything.

Whenever I was with her it felt like I was home. Much more than this place ever did. Having Clementine with me always made things better no matter what situation I was in. Like when she saved me from Minerva after Louis blew my secret, she was there when I had passed out, she helped me when I was sick in the car, she helped me to sleep when I was too afraid to be alone, and yeah, she may have read something personal that I wrote but she's already gone above and beyond for me.

I started thinking about everything that she had done for me and an idea started to form in my head. I wanted to write her something like she did for me when she was apologizing for reading through my things. And that's when it hit me. My pencil flew across the page and before I knew it I had over a paragraph of words in under ten minutes.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. I end up staring at nothing because I can't sleep at night. I can't make it stop when I think too much. What do I do when I'm falling apart? No one would want to be in my shoes right now.

I'm always an expert at complicating things. That's how I'm wired, believe me, it's no fun. But you make a war seem like such an easy thing. You kiss me and my arguments come undone. Down in the trenches, you are my white flag. You make me surrender and I want you here so bad. I'm so lucky to have someone like you in my life. That's why...

I don't reach for the bottle of whiskey. No, you won't see me popping the pills. Because if I want the pain to go away, in a second, make it fade, you're the only thing that will.

You make it all better. You make me feel at home. You're my medicine.

I love you, Clementine."

I stopped writing and re-read what I had written. It kind of sounded better in my head than it does on paper. It was sweet, sure, but I felt like it wasn't the right thing to say to Clem.

I sighed frustrated and put my head in my hands. I couldn't gove this to her. It sounds weird to refer to her like that. Sure it may be true in a sense, but I don't know if Clem would see it that way. It was a metaphor of course, but a true one at that. I just feel like it'd be really awkward to give something like this to her. It seems like everything I've been writing lately isn't good enough. Which is probably why I haven't written her a story yet.

I closed my book and laid back defeated as I stared up at the ceiling. What was wrong with me? Everything used to be easy, now it was like dragging nails across a chalkboard whenever I tried to write for her. Was I always just a terrible writer? Probably. Was I lacking in confidence when it came to showing Clem my work? Yes. But that was no excuse for my lack of talent.