Only Words Bleed

Saving Me

Warning: Based on real-life emotions.

"Nobody hurts MY Rabbit!"

...

"Stop! Violet, Please stop!"

...

"Hit her again. Do it! I know you want to!"

...

Violet...what have you done?

I shot up in bed my face laden with tears as they dripped down the sides of my face. With eyes blurry with tears I struggled to reach my bedside lamp and turn on the light. Instead, my hand found my phone and I quickly clicked the screen to give me some source of brightness.

Violet stared around the darkened room, the shadows overtook most of it with just the dim light from her phone to illuminate the place. She could see Woody across the room through teary eyes. Her heart continued to hammer in her chest as her thoughts reeled on whether what she just dreamt had really happened. She had punched Minerva, hadn't she? Had she really done that to protect Woody or was that part of her old self resurfacing? The kind that took pleasure in the misfortune of others, the kind that didn't care what others thought or what happened to them.

She hadn't kept attacking Minerva, just one good punch to teach her a lesson. But...Did that still make her a bad person? Would the old her have kept going? And because she used to be that person did that make her bad now?

"Oh my god. I'm a bad person." I thought to myself.

What would Clem think if she found out exactly what had happened? What did she already think? All Clem knew was that Violet had stood up for herself. What if she didn't approve of the person who she used to be? Was Violet still like that deep down inside? Was the fight with Minnie just the beginning of what was to come? Was she slowly turning back into her old self?

My heart hammered in my chest and my breathing became fast and heavy.  quickly fumbled with my phone trying to unlock it while at the same time trying not to fall into a panic attack. I searched through my contacts stopping at my emergency contact. But before I could click it my screen went black.

"No!"

Her phone had died on her. Just seconds away from reaching the comforting voice of her girlfriend and her world had gone black. What was she to do now?

I quickly grabbed Clover and clutched him close to my chest as my stomach churned with anxiety. Tears streamed down her face as the same four words repeated in her head.

"I'm a bad person. I'm a bad person. I'm a bad person."

That's all she could think about. That and how much her friends and girlfriend would hate her when they realized just how much of a monster she really was. What would they think if they found out that she possibly still possessed the errors of her old self deep down inside? Was it possible that her heart had always been corrupted and was just waiting for the perfect time to resurface?

Then realization hit her. "I'm just like my father."

Violet squeezed her eyes shut as a flood of tears leaked out. She was helpless in overcoming her subconscious in this battle of right and wrong. For now, she knew she was right. Monsters weren't underneath the bed, or anywhere else in her room. For Violet was a monster herself.

I felt my stomach churn at the thought and suddenly my room felt too small for comfort and I'm terrified of these four walls. Iron bars couldn't hold my soul for I can't take it anymore as I silently slip from the covers of my bed. It's raining outside as I hear the steady, light, tap tap of raindrops on my window. I throw on my red Ericson hoodie not wanting to get Jackson's jacket wet, and I make a beeline for the door.