Only Words Bleed

Wait For It

A/N: Sorry, I'm posting this so late. Today's been... tiring.

I know the last chapter sucked, and I don't mean because it was heartbreaking. I've been feeling very run down lately, so I know my writing wasn't the best. I feel like I could have done better.

Violet's pov:

The next day at school I didn't want to leave Clem's side. Every chance I got was spent with her and I loathed the classes that I didn't have with her. It was agonizing and I always felt like something bad was going to happen when she wasn't around. I knew I was being paranoid but after last night I didn't want to be alone anymore. I felt trapped by fear I couldn't escape, and I find myself regretting not calling her last night.

Clem wasn't one to miss how clingy I've become and I knew it worried her. I knew she was going to ask me what was wrong but it was a conversation that I was dreading. I didn't want to admit to what was bothering me because I feel like to anyone else it sounds stupid that I'm letting a nightmare control my life. I think reliving my past by telling Clem what had happened had reawoken a long-forgotten fear that had now risen from the ashes from a flame that's been long burned out.

I haven't had that nightmare in ages and now all of a sudden it was everywhere. I remember that conversation I had with Jackson in the car. That was the last memory I had with him, the weekend before the crash. Everything else was just the terrors of my mind trying to scare me and I hate to admit...it's working.

I missed him and that was a feeling that would never go away. Not having him here has made so many things harder for me and I miss the feeling of having someone there, someone who actually cared. And right now Clementine was that person in my life. Which I think is why I've been so reluctant to leave her. I want that feeling in my life again, something that makes me feel complete, that makes me feel safe, something to make my life worth living.

But at the same time, I'm worried that if I get to close...It'll just be ripped away from me again.

That's why when schools over and we all decide to meet up at some coffee shop, I sit with my head resting on Clem's shoulder. She doesn't object the touch, but I can tell she's troubled by my behavior. I know she wants to ask me what's wrong. It's eating her up inside, but I know she won't ask me, not yet. She doesn't want to do it in front of everyone else.

So I hate it when she goes to excuse the two of us.

"Hey, babe?" She whispers to me. "Walk with me for a minute?"

She moves to stand up from her seat and I remove my head from her shoulder. I understand what's going on and I don't like it, but I was going to follow her anyway. So I stand up and hand Woody to Sophie. I hear Clem tell all our friends that will be back in a few minutes and I feel myself tense up because this is a lot like how a breakup conversation starts. I know in my head that this is not what it's about. And in my heart, I hope that never happens, but it gives me anxiety just thinking about it.

I follow her outside and we walk across the street where this park is. It's kind of cold outside what with us switching into November, but neither of us is too concerned about the falling temperature.

Clem doesn't say anything for a bit as we just walk. My gaze is constantly kept towards the ground as we follow the concrete path through the park. At the moment the purple laces on my tennis shoes seem to have my focus because I don't want to look up and start a new conversation.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Clem reach up and tuck a loose curl behind her ear. I think maybe she's just as apprehensive to talk about this as me. Maybe she's nervous about what she might hear. I would be too if I had found what I had written in my journals. I have more inner demons than I'd like to admit and they all seem to gang up on me at the worst of times. My issues with my past are really pushing it right now.