Eyes Opened

Insecurity

( Minor Lemon warning. )

"Was there... a bit of truth in that?" Her question was blunt, not that you blamed her. This last year was not ideal. You had wondered about that to yourself but never wanted to bring it up to her. "I can understand. I mean, it's not just us anymore." She sighed softly. "I'm not sure why I thought that everything would be the same between us. It hit you out of nowhere." She sat down on the bed, kicking off her shoes. "Even still you've been amazing. Getting me everything I could want, protecting me more than ever and it's... not because of me." She chuckled hopelessly. "So it's just, going through the motions, isn't it?"

You gulped, before sitting down at your desk, feeling like you hadn't deserved a place at her side right now. You took a moment before even being able to look at her. "I wouldn't exactly call it that."

She nodded slowly. "I'm jealous of Farkas." She admitted freely. You looked down. "We've never fully gotten back to what we were after..." She stopped, looking up to you. Her eyes on you made you look up. "You said it without thinking, but that's the point. Vilkas do you... resent me for leaving?" You shook your head. "You should. I think you do, deep down." You let the words sink in. That was how she felt. No matter what you said she would always feel this way. You felt a few tears fall down your cheeks. Clearing you throat you stood up, but let them remain on your skin, the hot trails the salt water blazed upon you. Walking to her side she continued. "Do we even belong together anymore? Did we back then, or were we just being selfish?" She finally looked up to you, noticing your tears.

With a shaky voice you whispered. "My lo-" You shook your head, before getting to a knee before her. You took her hands with yours. "[Y/N]... I'm... not sure what to say. I was selfish back then, trying to recapture something we once had. I thought that as long as we were together, you would be happy. I could make you happy. I was- wrong."

"You weren't. I was." She looked to your hands.

"That wasn't all. I've been acting strange, huh?" She nodded. You took a seat next to her. "I'm sorry. I may look grown up but I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm going to be a father. I'm not ready. I'm scared, shitless. I'm... a jerk. What if the baby hates me? I'm too protective. Will I cripple her, not letting her take care of herself. Will I be like my own father, or yours?" You sighed, closing your eyes. "It's a mercy. Letting you go now, this talk. You could flourish without me. You'll be a great mother, a leader, caring, concerned without suffocating." You looked to her, trying to smile.

"A great mother?" She scoffed. "How do you figure? It's not like I've had great examples. You've at least had Kodlak. I've had a drunken mage and an overbearing selfish father. You're worried about being my dad? I'm worried about that way more than you." She looked to you, her eyes were well past upset. She was already sobbing, her words muffled by it. "I should be worried about the baby and here I am jealous that Farkas got a kiss from Aela. Worried that the feeling we had together is gone. Jealous that someone else has become your whole world. I don't feel... connected to it. Which is very strange." She laughed a little, though it was desperation that brought it about, her voice cried out in pain. "I'm already a horrible mother, the love that made this child is not something I deserve, so I understand why you've been this way."

You took a moment, before wrapping your arms around her, simply comforting the woman you loved more than yourself. After her tears started to slow down, you whispered. "I want you as happy as you can be." You kissed her temple. "Even if it's not with me."

She pushed your shoulder. "I don't want anyone else!" She spat at the ground, trying to breathe. "I've never wanted anyone else. Vilkas... I'm tired... I'm just so... fucking... tired." You nodded, holding her closer, the woman lays down, pushing herself onto your torso. You hushed her, petting her head slowly. "I should be happy for Farkas... excited to meet the baby... I miss Kodlak." She admitted finally, the first time you've heard that from her with such emotion pouring out of her. "Do you... not love me anymore?"

You blinked, the question caught you off guard. "I do." You replied without thinking, which made you smile a little. "I really do. I'm so deeply in love with you."

"But we've... not touched..." She was sobbing still, trying to hold herself together. You blushed a little.

"I uh... didn't want..." You gulped. "The baby, it's big. What if I, hurt it, or you?" She looked to you, sniffing to keep herself together. "Since carrying her..." You spoke slowly, wiping her tears away. "You've been glowing. More beautiful that I've ever seen you. Just the fact than you're going through this... I want to be with you all the time. Your smile, your resolve... It's made you all the more attractive to me. I have to curb that feeling. We have work to do, you have things you're going through. You're so tired. My desire for you, it's never been quenched, just unable to be acted upon. But here I sit with you. I've made you feel this way. So how can I not feel like you'd be better off with someone else? Someone stronger."

"Because you big jerk!" You looked to her, surprised. "I've only ever wanted you. You are the only one for me." She called you a jerk again, which made your lips pull into a vaguely defined smile. "I want you... to want me like you used to. So much that you just take me." You took a moment, staring at her. You gulped.. You'd felt that way. You'd long to just take her again. It was still plucking your nerves to think about being a father. Looking into her eyes like this you felt at least at peace. You rubbed her cheek. She exhaled, looking into your eyes. "Vilkas..." She moaned your name, forcing a throb deep within you. "Don't leave..." The words were bitter sweet, she was pleading with you. "I'm scared too... we'll do this together. As long as I love you, we can do it. We'll stumble through this together. We'll learn to be parents. As long as you still feel the same way about me, please... I'm begging you. Don't leave."

"I can't." She averted her eyes before you shook your head, chuckling a little amused. "No, I mean I can't leave. I love you. No matter how I feel right now, I'm in love with you. We are in this together." You pulled her closer, pressing your lips roughly to hers. Your hand moved to her breast, massaging it fully. She moaned into your mouth. You could hold it no longer. You broke the kiss with a smug smile. "Fuck." You whispered. "If it hurts, do what you can to stop me. I'm not sure I can stop myself." You bit your bottom lip as you brought her into your lap, straddling your legs.

She blushed brightly, averting her eyes from you. "N.. No- don't hold yourself back. The baby's safe. I promise. We aren't bad parents for doing this... I feel it." She looked into your eyes, the woman sexy when she acted shy. Her words however sent you into overdrive. "Fuck me. Vilkas. My love, fuck my brains out." You slammed your lips into hers drunk on the desire to have her once more, the answer to most of your questions revealed.