purgatory | g.d

three

song for chapter
last time-idealism

[Jade's Pov]
-

Flashback

June third, 2018 4.46pm
a little over two years ago

For summer approaching it was pretty cloudy; not just because of the rain and clouds either. It was surprisingly chilly too. There I was hiding in the trees avoiding my troubles distracting myself with the rolled joint I held within my fingers; taking a few puffs every couple of seconds. Feeling my worries disappear in an instant only to reappear once I've come down from my high.

"Why are you here all alone?" a voice from behind startled me. I turned around seeing a kid. "Jesus!".

"Sorry," he murmured.

I returned back to my original state, inhaling the toxins I called medicine; the taste on my lips leaving me at an ecstasy, feeling the smoke enter my lungs almost comforting them like a blanket. finally exhaling letting the clouds escape my nostrils and past my lips.

feeling a pair of eyes on me, I turn seeing the same boy standing even closer; observing.

"Why are you watching me?" aggression laced in my tone. It was almost like he was in a complete trance, I was practically waving my arms.

"Um...Sorry" he stammered embarrassingly over his words. he began strolling towards the old park bench; taking a seat next to me.

"Why are you all alone in this abandoned park?". "Trying to smoke in peace" I replied. "you know It's dangerous around here right?" he said. I shrugged. "Could care less". he nodded not knowing what else to say.

"I'm Grayson!". my smile held sarcasm as my eyes narrowed.

"Jade"

"That's nice"

"What school do you go to?" he questioned.

"Didn't your mom teach you not to talk to strangers?" I said ignoring his question. "Didn't your mom tell you that smoking is bad" he fired back surprisingly.

"Well second-hand smoke is just as bad so I guess you better go".

he didn't move. he just looked off at nothing slightly fidgeting.

"If you wanna know so bad I dropped out". "oh" his voice lowered, "sorry". I rolled my eyes. "I graduate in a couple of days," he said. "cool".

"my parents are constantly nagging about college" he laughed more so to himself. I have no idea why he thinks I care for this conversation." my parents are dead" I smiled at his face. "oh.. oh my god I'm so—"

"Please...please don't say sorry" I cut him off. The uncomfortable silence ate at him, I could tell. "How if I may ask."

"They drove into a wall"

"You seem so unfazed"

"Because instead of going to jail they got the easy way out and died, and while they were dying I was being abused in a foster home. Would you like to know more Greg-"

"Grayson" he corrected me.

"Grayson"I said my voice full of sarcasm.

"I didn't mean to upset you"

"Whatever," I said taking in the blunt once again.

"Siblings?" he asked.

"an brother and a sister"

"Well I technically have an older twin brother and sister," he said almost regretting it.

"I just haven't seen them in so long"

he seemed sad and oddly open saying this. I told him to leave and he chose to stay and talk yet I never asked him to.

"why?" I found myself asking.

"My sister went to college in a different country and my brother left home".

"like ran away?"

"I guess you can say that... he and my parents had this big fight and he had enough I guess. Next morning he was gone, leaving me a "love you" note. The thing is he hasn't reached out to me in months" he shrugged watching his feet as he kicked at the grass.

now I was the one saying sorry. I know what's it's like not having your siblings around. I don't really wanna compare myself but I guess I do. "my sister and brother are still in the system". he frowned. "Do you know where they are?". I shook my head. "Nah, I haven't seen them in about ten years. They probably don't even remember me" I laughed. He didn't.

"Can I try?" he said pointing towards the blunt I held. "How old are you?" I said. "seventeen".

"Fine with me" I handed him the blunt as well as my lighter. he looked nervous.

"You never smoked before?" I said almost shockingly. He looked like a good kid with a few bad habits I thought this would at least be one. He shook his head.

I grabbed the lighter instantly clicking it; motioning him to put the blunt between his lips. I held the flame at the tip, lighting it.

"suck it in then inhale, almost like you're breathing" I whispered. Him eyeing me, trying to follow my steps but failing miserably.

"you're wasting it!"

he apologized before going into a coughing fit afterward. I snatched it away from him watching him come back to full composure. He watched me properly take it in again. Feeling a small smirk form on my lips soon letting the clouds leave them surrounding his face giving him no other choice but to inhale giving him a taste of the feeling I feel every time.

To my surprise he grabbed the blunt from my fingers, repeating the process once more. I guess you can say success because you can tell it was beginning to kick in. the relaxation on his face left me satisfied it was like instant deja vu from my first time.

Barely being fifteen and not knowing what the hell I was even doing; hanging around with a bunch of seniors in a park. I still don't remember half that night. The most fucked up part is I don't remember if I was smoking weed. I tried so many different things I didn't know what was coming after that. All I remember is feeling like I was on an ongoing rollercoaster like a trip to Disney land or wherever parents take their children.

All the colors. It was so beautiful it was amazing. It felt welcoming, relaxing...like home. My mind still flutters thinking about it. Everything changed after that.

"This feels good" his words knocked me out of my trance.

"Wanna get out of here?"