Looking For Space // Josh Kiszka

II

My nerves were getting the better of me as I sat in my car, parked off on the dirt road leading to the farm. I was nervous about being alone again with Josh--I was nervous because he was smarter than me; I was nervous to be waiting by myself in the middle of nowhere at 10 pm, surrounded by darkness and a dilapidated barn, since he was late--again.

A pair of headlights illuminated the inside of my car from behind, puffs of dust and dirt rising up from the ground as the tires rolled over the dirt and gravel. When Josh turned the engine off I looked in my rearview mirror and saw his face. He caught my glance and smiled before getting out.

"You're late," I announced as I slammed my car door shut, slinging my backpack over one shoulder. "I should've known--you're always late for class."

"I'm always late for everything," Josh replied, unfazed. He was, in fact, carrying a blanket. I wondered what else he might have in his backpack.

"Yet somehow you're still Steve's favorite," I mumbled, starting to trek through the long grass.

Josh laughed behind me. "You're kidding, right?"

I turned around. "What?"

"I'm not the favorite," Josh protested. "I don't think Steve has favorites."

I scoffed. "I don't know--he's always eating up whatever you say."

"That's probably because I'm the only one who ever says anything."

Heat rose in my entire body, sending yet another flush of warmth to my cheeks. I turned around again, stopping in my tracks. "No one else gets to say anything," I declared. "You talk over all of us all the time."

Josh opened his mouth but paused instead, looking off to the side at the barn. "Really?" was all he asked when he turned back to me.

"Yes, really."

Josh sighed and moved ahead of me. We walked in silence, the only sounds being the insects buzzing and our feet rustling through the grass, until Josh stopped and laid the blanket down. We were closer to the very middle of the field and the moon was high in the southeastern sky, him sitting down to face it.

I hesitated at the edge of the blanket. I hadn't meant to make him feel bad. He turned and looked up at me. "Well? Sit," he said and patted the blanket.

Again I hesitated but, with a sigh, I sat down, setting my backpack off to the side on the grass and crossed my legs. I was looking at the moon, bright and white and almost full but, in my peripheral, I was looking at Josh, who was also looking at the moon. He really was cute--his hair was growing out a bit so some curls laid over the tops of his ears and his cupid's bow was like a perfect arrow up to the sky. What really got me was how smooth his skin was, especially in the glow of the moonlight--it was impossibly smooth and clear and shining.

"I know I annoy you," Josh said suddenly, though he kept his eyes on the sky. "I see you glare at me during workshop."

"I--I just--" I stammered, trying to come up with some excuse, some explanation for being such a bitch apparently, but all I managed to say was, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Oh god, how I felt guilty, especially with Josh looking so innocent under the night sky. "No, I am," I insisted. "You do annoy me but I shouldn't have been so obvious, I guess." I ran my hand through my hair and sighed--what a shit attempt at an apology that was.

Josh turned to look at me for a second and chuckled.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "That was terrible."