Looking For Space // Josh Kiszka

XXIII

This chapter was actually meant to be posted earlier but when I split up the Christmas chapters I messed myself up, because I am a dumbass. Anyway, I made it work. Short & sweet, just like Joshua.

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Josh and I had gotten through the pregnancy scare in its entirety, finally--the blood test was negative and I was elated, drowning happily in relief, and I'd laughed when I left my doctor's office and called him. He had been just as elated, though neither of us ended up having any real time to truly celebrate the actual miracle of it all--amidst all of it I actually noticed the dead of winter starting to take a toll on him, which took me by surprise.

I always figured Josh would be super into winter, especially with how excited he was for Christmas. But I could tell as time went on, the snow and cold was getting to both of us, and he seemed to be having an even harder time--his normal boisterous nature had been subdued and when we were together, he was quieter and seemed like he was just in a bit of a daze. I did my best to be gentle with him. I didn't want him to worry about me worrying about him, although I was.

It was storming on a Sunday night and I hadn't seen Josh all weekend so, despite the hazards, I was willing myself to go see him. I bundled myself up and begrudgingly swept away the blanket of snow from my car with the engine running, then chipped away at the ice underneath, though more snow just kept falling and the wind blew around me, making the visibility even just standing there pretty unnerving. Still, I made it to the apartment alive and only 15 minutes later than it would normally take me, which I felt was a small triumph.

"Hey," I said to Jake as he let me in, kicking more snow off my boots. "It's horrible out."

"Yeah, there's a storm warning," he replied, giving me a look as if I should know better, which was fair. "How are the roads?"

"Pretty treacherous." I took off my hat and gloves. "Where's Josh?"

"I think he's sleeping."

I sighed. "Is he okay? He's been so off lately."

"He gets sort of depressed in the winter," Jake told me. "But he's okay."

"At least you're here," I said. "He's been so reclusive, it makes me worried."

"We didn't do anything all weekend because of the weather, so he'll be glad to see you."

I knew Jake was right but I still felt nervous going into Josh's room. I was never really sure what to do to help him feel better, always feeling a little helpless in that way, and when I saw his sleeping form under the blanket, facing away from the door, my heart sank a bit.

I sat down on the edge of the mattress and hesitated for a moment, seeing if he'd stir. When he didn't, I placed my hand on his shoulder.

He inhaled a deep breath and slowly rolled over then, eyes still closed. He murmured something unintelligible and reached out for me, his hand landing on my forearm.

"Josh," I said quietly. "Sorry--do you wanna keep sleeping?"

He exhaled and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand before looking at me, half-lidded and blinking slowly. "No, I'm up."

"I just wanted to see you."

He sat up a little, propping himself up on the pillows, then looked out the window. "You drove in this?"

"Yeah, it was terrible."

Josh chuckled. "You didn't have to. It's not safe."

"You're lecturing me on safety?"