Let Me Go (Sequel to Rescue Me)

Chapter IV

            They told me a lost my mind after what Fred told me. I broke everything I could take and I blasted everything that was around me. My wand was taken away. I let them take it. I have nobody else to protect anymore. They can defend themselves if they want. I'm tired. I insisted on having my wand with me when... when my father was still around. He would understand. I needed to protect myself so I wouldn't end up dead like mom. Now that both of my parents are gone, I realized how much of a failure I am. Such a selfish little girl. I had a great power and instead of using it to protect the ones I loved, I kept it for myself. My mother is gone. My father joined her. How much do we bet that the next one on the list is Fred, or Harry, or Hermione, or George. I'm tired of everything. If they could take the magic away maybe Voldemort would leave as well. I would live a peaceful Muggle life. I can't choose the life I get but I can make my own decision to change it. I need someone to... I don't even know for what purpose but I need someone.

            I'm drifting away again. Fred managed to give me an advice between few sessions of rage. He told me to think about who I am and what is happening. I'm Analeigh Lavinia. I'm eighteen years old. I have lost the person I loved the most. Voldemort is to blame. I'm lonely but people surround me. Someone cares about me –or at least that's what Fred said. I'll destroy whoever made me the monster I am. I'll destroy Voldemort.

            "I brought you food."

            I can't recognize the voice. Everything sounds fade to me except the wind blowing through the leaves. There's a long pause. They should know I won't be moving or talking. If they don't, that means they are not part of the Order. I make an effort to look over my shoulder. Colors reappear in the room as I see my strong warrior stand in the doorframe with a plate filled with food.

            "I learned the news." Harry says.

            He puts down the plate on a creaking desk and runs to me. As I feel his arms wrap around me, I understand that I wasn't as empty as I thought. Tears make their way out of my eyes so quickly I can't fight them back. Soon enough, I'm sobbing. I sound awful and I must look awful. He rubs my back and kisses my cheek before burying back his face in my neck. I start rocking back and forth and Harry joins in. I shouldn't be taking his attention right now. He just learned the existence of the Order. He just understood that all of his friends have been lying to him.

            "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have kept the secret from you. Dumbledore made us all promise." I whisper as calmly as I can so he can comprehend what I say.

            He sits beside me and looks out the window with me. My mind begins to drift away into painful memories of the last task. I can't see this nightmare again. I'm Analeigh Lavinia. I'm eighteen years old. Harry is safe and sitting next to me. He's here for me. I'll be here for him.

            Wait a second. Harry is sitting next to me. We said we would keep the secret during the entire summer until they have to go back to school. I have been in a complete blackout for the past months! I must have missed so many meetings while I was crying and praying to go to sleep and never wake up. Why did I join the Order if I'm not even attending important reunions? How much do we bet that the next one on the list is Fred, or Harry, or Hermione, or Ginny, or George. That's right. I joined for them. I need to be strong. After all, that's what my dad would have wanted. Harry looks at me in the eyes for few seconds.

            "I missed your light eyes." He says.

            They are back? It must be a sign. Protect those who I love is what I'll need to do. No more crying, no more weaknesses and no more break downs or blackouts. These eyes are here to stay, hopefully. I won't lie to myself and say I'm strong and ready for a new try. I'm still fragile and extremely unstable but at least I know who I'm battling against. That's the best advantage I could have. And Harry. Harry's a good advantage.

            "It's time to go." I hear Hermione say to us.

            Right. He needs to leave for Hogwarts. They all need to. I'll stay alone again. I don't want to be alone though! I can't stay alone and risk everyone's safety. Staying alone is going to drive me crazy. It'll put me back in the crazy part of my brain. I don't want that! Alright. Alright, I need to calm down. Analeigh, eighteen, Harry will be protected at school and so will the others. I'm with the Order: what could happen to me here? In all honesty, I don't know. Not knowing scares me.

            Harry and I get up and walk downstairs where everyone is waiting. Right, breathe in and out. Everything will be fine. I never thought I would fear company, even Ginny's. I'm scared she'll think I'm dangerous. I don't want her to see me like that even if I am. Harry goes to Sirius for a moment. I stand in a corner and pretend to blend in with the wallpaper. It seems to be working when people walk past me without even glancing at me. They either don't want to look at me or they are simply used to never see me around. Either way, I'm ignored. It's fine by me for now. I look down when I see Fred and George approaching. I lean myself to the wall as much as I can. They cut their hair. I won't be able to braid them when they will be asleep. I doubt they would allow me even if they would have kept their long hair. I lost them. Or maybe not.

            "Can I talk to you for a second?" George asks after grabbing my forearm and forcefully shoving me into an empty room.

            It's not lit properly. Last time I was in a room so dark with him, it was during a task and I almost killed Fred. I don't have enough time to recite my mental memo when George presses his palms on my cheeks and tilts my head back so I can look at him.

            "Don't interrupt me until I'm done, okay?" He says.

            I wasn't intending to so I nod.

            "I will never forget what happened. What you did was... haunting." He starts.

            Great, he'll pull back the memory. I just gained back my normal eyes. I don't need the red every again. I'm panicking a little bit. I think I'm about to cry as well.

            "No, don't cry. You said you wouldn't interrupt me." He says.

            He's right. Breathe in, breathe out, I think. I'm okay.

            "I won't forget but I will forgive. It wasn't you. It was never you when these eyes appeared. I should have known but I was too scared for your safety or Fred's to put one and two together. I'm not done yet Analeigh, calm down." He says as I feel myself get emotional. "You know Fred will be there for you and you know I'll be here as well. I wasn't mad at you, I was mad at the part that didn't belong to you. I despise the dark part that lives deep within you but I'm still madly in love with the Analeigh Lavinia I met all these years ago that almost got in trouble for a stupid cupcake. I'm going to say this again but only one more time so pay close attention. I-" He kisses my forehead. "Love-" He kisses the tip of my nose. "You." He kisses me sweetly on the lips for a very long time.

            A sparkle lights up in my chest. Memories light up in the sparkle. Good memories. I didn't interrupt George and I did well. He interrupted my mental memo though. I'm Analeigh Lavinia. I'm eighteen years old. I feel alive again. George still loves me and I still love him.