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"Have you ever think about ending your life?" You asked.
"Many times.."
"Have you ever done something to end your life?"
I smile, "everytime I'm out of courage to face life I would just cry out, no one will see, no one would notice. When I'm out of air to breathe I just shout out loud, far enough to be heard. When I'm so down and tired, I would just sleep and think tommorow will be better. In times, I would ask myself 'why do I have this life? Why do I keep on moving forward if I would likely to fall apart? Why would I continue to fight over if I don't even know what I am fighting for? What have I done to my past life to have this endless suffering?' Relentless, uninspired, and lack of faith nor trusting myself. I just realize tears were pouring out of my eyes, while thinking that this is life. What would I expect? I can't alter nor undo things that happened and will gonna happen. I just realize that I have dreams, goals in life that I need to achieve. I just realize that He is watching above, this is his will. This is His way showing me to the world. Life isn't only paradise and endless sunny day. It has bumpy roads, manholes, disasters, destructions, scratches, sorrows and pain. We live on how to live a life. We live to be a human. We live to dream let it come to life. We live to be perfect with flaws. No promises that it will be an easy journey but one thing's sure, He will never let you down and be miserable. Its just your choice on how to face it valiantly. You can rest and take a break but you can't go back or change a route. He will not give hurdles without steps. He will not make roads full of spikes without shoes. All you need to do is to trust Him and yourself. You can do it day by day, step by step until you are on top. So, you're asking me if I had ever done something to end my life? I can't shut myself because I'm afraid of death. I'm terrified to submit failure. When I think about losing my life, I'd just cry and ask for forgiveness on thinking about it. My God, he is too precious to be disappointed. Also, my life's too beautiful to end."
