The After Kingdom: UnOrdinary (Arlo x John)

Chapter 34

John officially resigned his job at the coffee shop to give himself some time to heal. It was Arlo's suggestion to quit, and although the dark haired man knew that he isn't ready to come back, a part of him thinks that it's a waste to resign from his job just when he was starting to live normally.

Seraphina's sister heard about the news about father's death, and thankfully, she was kind enough to not give John any shoots during the weekends this week.

Although it was difficult for him, he tries his best to distract himself from thinking about negative things and constantly blaming himself.

He wanted to be better for Arlo, and he really wanted to fix himself, to free himself from everything.

He just wanted to be happy.

But it isn't that easy.

Whenever he closes his eyes, the terrible things that he did haunted him. He kept remembering about the night when he pushed his own father, and the moments when he was a monster in everyone's eyes.

Could someone like him really deserve happiness?

His thoughts were eating him, and it was so hard to push away. He knew that his own actions led to his father's death, and if only he was a much better person than he is, his father would've still be alive right now.

Those thoughts always comes back, and John would loathe and feel ashamed of himself again.

He doesn't deserve this, being loved by someone else despite the terrible things that he've done... Why? Why does Arlo love him? Why won't he get tired of John?

Why couldn't the blond just glare at him as if he's filth like he used to?

Sometimes, John thinks that selling his body suits him more. He hears the things he deserves, and he gets treated the way he should be-- he gets treated like filth, and they hurt him, humiliate him, and they glare at him with those disgusted looks on their faces once they've gotten what they want from his body.

Arlo stares at him like he was the best thing he've seen, and he holds him like he's as fragile as glass. John doesn't deserve him.

But he wanted to, and so, he must fix himself, and be someone who would deserve those things.

For now, he tries to do things little by little, and maybe, if he improved himself a bit, he could start taking larger steps.

John wants to continue his studies in college again, and he doesn't really know if it could work.

He would work for his expenses through modelling jobs, and he'll be able to graduate just like what his father have wanted.

The dark haired man would focus on his studies, and he'll try his best to balance his time and just be true to himself. If he could have this chance, he'll do things right. He'll make his father proud, even if he wouldn't be here to finally see him be happy.

He also wants to own up to his mistakes, and not be the monster that they and he himself feared of.

He'll fix himself he swear, he just needed Arlo's help...

"Arlo, can I talk to you?" the dark haired man asked, surprising the blond who was sitting while sorting out his files.

Ever since his father's death, it was the first time that John approached him on his own. It was a huge progress.

"Sure John." the blond replied, placing the folders down, "You didn't really have to ask, just speak to me, and I'll listen."

"Okay."