The Promise of You and I

12. Fell Apart in the Usual Way

Edited by: @grecya14

12. Fell Apart in the Usual Way

~~~

Silently lost in thought, I somehow manage to mindlessly find my way through the day to lunch.

The cafeteria is a massive space filled with half the school. The white and deep green alternating tiles make it look like something from a movie. The lunch room really, almost is straight out of a movie. The typical cliches, jocks, nerds, theater people, and many more, all separate at each of the round tables. Some people even sit outside when it's not too hot or cold.

"Lec!" Shouts Taylor from the lunch line.

I walk over to her, "Must you scream every time you see or talk to me?"

"I didn't in econ class today," She pauses, examining me with her brows pulled together. "Why didn't you even look at me when I did everything but yell your name?"

"I'm just tired today, I wasn't really listening... Not even to Ms. Anthony," I reply honestly.

"Whatever, what are you getting?"

"Probably just an orange, I'm not hungry."

We purchase our food and move over to our regular seats. Taylor and I sit near the jock table. I would have rather been closer to the nerds, but thanks to Taylors popularity and Drew's athleticism, we were stuck here.

Taylor glides into a seat smoothly, entering perfectly into the other cheerleaders conversation. I awkwardly sit in the empty chair next to her, keeping my eyes down on my orange, rolling it around. I just play with it; it's a fasting day.

A chair squeaks next to me, surprising me. Glancing up, I am not as surprised when I see Drew, towering over me.

"Hey," His bubbly tone geets us.

Taylor stops mid sentence, turning her attention towards Drew and I. "Hey, dummy," she says gleefully.

"Hey," I quietly add.

"How are you ladies doing?" he addresses the cheerleaders by

"Leave 'em alone, would you?" Taylor butts in, not letting the cheerleaders get a word in. "Lec, are you just gonna play with your food or eat it?".

"I, uh, I just have a stomach ache. That's all," I conclude while keeping my eyes glued on the table. "I actually just need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back"

I get up from the table before anyone can protest and quickly make my way to the opposite end of the school. The bathroom needs to be empty.

(TRIGGER WARNING!!)

I barge through the girls restroom door and quickly assess if anyone is inside the bathroom or not.

Clear.

I rush into the last stall and lock the door. Throwing my bag against the wall, I dive to my knees. My heart begins to beat faster as my hands shake uncontrollably. I think of the last meal I had.

I had to eat on the way home from the hospital in front of my mom. And the feeding tube for a couple days.

Panic sets in.

I quickly lean over the porcelain toilet seat and shove my fingers down my throat, initiating my gag reflex.

I cough a few times, but nothing comes up. Not far enough.

I push harder, making my fingers press harder against the back of my throat. It burns.

The bile from my stomach rushes from my mouth to the bowl. Coughing more, I vomit multiple times to get out any solid food that may remain in me.

The burning sensation grows all the way down to my esophagus. I lean back from the toilet and rest my back against the wall of the stall and let any tears fall freely down my cheeks.

Not for the steady burn, but for my selfishness. I shoulnt have eaten with my mother. I should have told her I was fine and I just needed some sleep. I shouldn't have had taylor and drew and everyone else over. I should have been working out. I should have been burning calories.

(Clear of triggers, I think)

I hear the door creak open, "Anybody here?" a female janitor calls out.

Wiping my eyes, I quickly shuffle to my feet. "I am... I, uh, I just, just need a second," I call back to her.

"Whatever you need, honey. Bad day?"

"What? Um, no, no I'm fine," I tell her as I march out of the stall, wash my hands and stare at myself in the mirror.

My cheeks are red and blotchy. My eyes are sunk in with the bags beneath them swelling. I slip the concealer Taylor insists I keep with me out of the side pocket in my backpack.

Dabbing it under my eyes takes longer than I anticipated. I don't want people to notice that I am upset or I just cried or anything.

Thank God for waterproof mascara.

After popping in a minty piece of gum, I calmly walk out of the bathroom and greet the kind janitor. "Sorry, thanks for waiting."

"No problem, honey. You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I should, I should get back to lunch," I try to excuse myself.

"Well, there are only a couple minutes left of the current period. If I were you, I would just go to your next class, honey," she tells me.

"Oh, alright. Thank you." I walk all the way to my next class to find I still have 8 minutes. I decide to circle the halls a bit. I have never been, nor will I ever be, the first one to class.

Within a few minutes I find myself by the gymnasium. The lights are still on, but it looks like nobody's home. Walking in a few feet, I hear some kind of noise.

I walk to the end of the bleachers to find Cate Ranger and Steve Chase making out.

~~~

AN: Okay... so that was intense to write... 

I was in a bad mood while writing this sooooo

I'm sorry. 

Thanks for reading.

I love you all. 

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SMC