Sarah Smiles A Panic! fic

chapter 19

Brendon's pov-

"God Spencer, why do I feel so bad for doing that?!" I had just left a lonely looking Sarah at a restaurant and oh god- "she had to pay for my drink! I didn't even think about the bill and tip" my fingers are trembling with anger towards my idiotic self as Spence looks for words of comfort. "Maybe because it was a shitty thing to do" wow, okay so much for comfort. I nod agreeing that I am a complete ass. "The way you talked about her the other night made it seem like you had feelings for this girl." He says not even bothering to turn his attention away from The Nightmare Before Christmas that was playing on loop for the past couple of days unable to find anything else on t.v. enjoyable. I shake my head at his observation. "There is no way I could like her." I stop pacing and fall back onto the couch next to my friend "she didn't say over twenty words the whole time". A scoff escapes spencers mouth and he let's his eyes wander from the t.v. to mine "do you really expect a fan of yours to respond to you in a natural manor after asking her to go on a date?" I hate how right he always was. "I need a cigarette." I announce pulling myself back up and searching around the house for a pack. "Spen-" he cuts me off "on the kitchen walk in" my eyes catch the glorious blue box and i pocket it grabbing a nearby jacket of Spencers and heading outside to kill off my lungs. He doesn't like people smoking in the house, he has been trying to quit for a while. I mumble out to myself about random little thoughts. Spencer gets addicted to drugs quickly, right now he's gotten himself into quite the bind. I think of each of his addictions as I breathe in toxic smoke letting it sit and swirl in my lungs. I breathe out only because oxygen is needed to live, if it wasn't I would keep the smoke in my lungs for an eternity. The sick feeling of drowning in cigarette smoke is my favorite feeling, its like an all time high the same feeling I get when I hit that  high note onstage in front of thousands of people.  My mind finds itself lost thinking of a certain girl I left alone hours ago, I should really call her later- apologize.

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I get to see Frank Iero (an old member of mcr current member of frnkiero andthe cellabration for those who know who that is) in concert soon so hopefully my writing will be happier because I feel like I always sound a bit depressed when I write.

Anyways much love to you guys <3 -J